The whole idea of marriage, is that it will last forever. Most people don’t enter their union thinking about when things will end. Instead, they go into it hoping and praying that things never end. A commitment that isn’t taken lightly by most, marriage is about enjoying the best of life, while preparing to manage and survive the very worst. It’s about staying together through thick and thin.
But what happens when you reach a point in your marriage where you start to have concerns and doubts? How do you handle things when you start to feel like maybe—just maybe—your marriage simply can’t last? Well, it’s pretty complicated stuff to be honest. Ending a marriage is never easy, and the decision to do so is one that people should approach with the same caution, if not more, than the decision they made to marry in the first place.
When you decide to marry someone, love is large part of the decision-making process. After it’s established that a profound and mutual love is present, issues of compatibility, shared values, and a shared vision come into play. Because so much thought is often given to the decision to marry someone, the decision to walk away from a commitment you made before God should not be easy to make.
Everyone’s story is different, so I can’t offer any blanket statement about whether you should get divorced or not. The reason behind a broken marriage can be complicated, painful, and hard to process for most. Sometimes, divorce begins to feel like the only reasonable option. And without knowing your unique circumstances, I can’t say that divorce isn’t the best option for you and your spouse. Maybe it is. Maybe you’ve tried everything to repair your marriage and the damage is so deep, it’s irreparable.
However, I do believe we live in world where marriage vows seems to be broken with ease and people don’t consider everything they should before making the final decision to walk away. The advice I offer here, is advice I would surely follow if I ever got to a point where I felt like my marriage was in serious trouble.
Here are five questions you should consider before you give up on your marriage.
1. Is it possible that you are struggling with a personal issue that needs attention?
Sometimes we are full of anger and resentment and it starts to damage our marriage, except we aren’t honest with ourselves about one critical thing. All that anger and resentment is not about our spouse. Maybe it’s from a previous relationship, maybe we have mommy or daddy issues, or maybe we are just mad at ourselves. Ask yourself if you are letting your marriage fall apart because you have some serious personal issues that you haven’t been able to seek the right help for yet.
2. Have you given couples therapy a fair shot?
Many times, couples go to one crappy therapist for 2-3 sessions and then call it quits. There are a lot of great therapists out there, but there are also a lot of crappy ones. Have you given the idea of getting help a fair shot? Have you tried working with different people? Have you tried working with different types of professionals that help couples strengthen their relationships? Don’t give up with ease. You have to feel like you really did everything you could to get help, before you can walk away from a marriage.
3. Do you really want out of your current marriage, or do you just want to improve the marriage you have?
You have to ask yourself where you truly stand. Are you leaving because you simply cannot be with the person you chose to spend your life with, or are you leaving because you find yourself stuck in a marriage you don’t like, with a person you actually love. If there is still love on both sides, there is hope.
4. Have you given your relationship your all?
Sometimes we give up on trying because we just have too much baggage with us. We end up stressed out, tired, angry, frustrated, and discouraged. When that happens, the idea of investing more energy into a partnership that is failing, simply feels like too much. But ask yourself if you will truly be at peace if you walk away from a marriage knowing that you failed to give it your all because you were too tired or too stressed out.
5. Are my expectations reasonable?
Do you have reasonable expectations of yourself and your spouse? Sometimes we have this fairytale image of what marriage should be, and when it comes up short, the disappointment is hard to manage. But be real about what you expect from your spouse, and what you expect from yourself. Having expectations that are unreasonable set you up for failure in every area of your life—especially your marriage.
bmwk
