As a young lady, I can confidently say that 99.9% of us ladies dream of the day we would walk down the aisle and start a new life with the man we love. We paint our lives to be all rosy and peachy. A life filled with laughter and everlasting joy.
However, as that time draws closer, a good number of us step back in apprehension. We do not know what lies ahead of us. That fear of the unknown that has been man’s enemy since time immemorial. No matter how much you love your significant other, you cannot help but wonder at your decision to spend the rest of your life with that person. I reckon the same goes for men. You will always have that niggle of fear lurking somewhere in the shadows, and for some, it is a big bold presence fighting to be heard.
In recent times, there has been a rise in divorces and separation between couples. That fear of joining the league of the “divorced” have made me sit back to think several questions.
- Is marriage worth it?
- How do you wake up to see the same person every day and not get frustrated?
- Am I willing to cope with the pressures of marriage?
- Will I regret saying “yes” to my partner?
- What if I marry the wrong one?
- Am I emotionally attached to this man or is it something purely superficial like sex and money that is driving me?
- Do I want to get married just to escape my problems?
Many young women these days enter into marriage without asking themselves these questions. All they see is the improved status and benefits that go with being a married woman. They look at it as a way of reducing their financial burdens, and earning some respect amidst their peers.
Yet again, maybe they do think about these issues and think they can get past them to have all they have ever needed from a marriage.
I am not being cynical, I am merely thinking out loud. Who is to say when I have to seriously consider these issues myself? Does age get me ready? Or is age just a number as we have been led to believe?
As an African woman, I have been raised to believe that my husband’s house is my “last bus-stop” so to speak. I have to endure the pains and cherish the good times. I do not marry my husband alone, I marry his family, community and of course traditions too. Marriage in Nigeria is not a joining of two people; it is a joining of two families, two communities. This fact makes me think long and deep before I can confidently say “YES” when a man asks me to marry him. I have heard many mothers say “the only reason I am still in this marriage is because of my kids. I have to consider their future.” Seriously, do I want to go through that too? Do you…?
I recall reading a book by the Late Pastor (Mrs.) Bimbo Odukoya- “165 ISSUES TO RESOLVE BEFORE MARRIAGE”. Somehow without realising it, this book was responsible for putting all these thoughts into my head. So many issues to ponder before saying the big “I DO”. I was in a relationship that was serious enough at that time. Prior to reading that book, I would have probably given you a black eye if you had so much as suggested I might be wrong in thinking I might not have my “happily ever after” with him. After reading the book, I realised there were issues I had never thought about and had to resolve.
My point is, before you commit yourself to a life-long relationship; you have to be able to answer all the questions in that book (which I recommend you read), talk to elderly people, and make peace with your decision before you commit yourself and your partner to a lifetime of regrets and sadness. Never be in a hurry because once you rush in, you just might find yourself forever trapped.