[Guest Post] We Are The Choices We Make

Oscar Wilde once said ‘Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation’.

I tend to agree with him because most people in this world are basically living their lives for others… and I don’t mean that in a good way, I am not talking about  how you want to be blessed so that you can be a blessing to others… which is good, but unfortunately that isn’t what I’m up at this time of the night to talk about


We live our life on a subconscious or even conscious level to please others… we were born and as toddlers all we sought for was the approval of our parents, we channel our energy into doing all they expect from us just to get that smile of approval or that twirling in the air as they raise us up high in the air whilst we giggle in excitement.


We went to school and sought for the approval of our teachers…and getting good grades became our goal because we heard our father say ‘My boy is going be tops in his class’… or even just because we wanted to get in his good books…we are in high school and there was this underlying need to get the approval of our friends…we do all the things we can think of to be one of the ‘cool kids’


… then we grow up go to the university, graduate, and begin doing things to get approval from the society…we become doctors even though our passion is fashion designing, we get married at 26 even though we

know we are settling for less but we do it anyway because someone passed the memo that age 30 is the cut off mark for ladies and they have to make sure they marry the ‘available’ man who wants to marry them now now now before it’s too late, so we do even though we know he doesn’t tick even half of your check list…we go to all the meaningless social functions on weekends even though all we want to do is curl up and sleep on Saturdays because we really need to rejuvenate after a hard work week, at least for health reasons, but no…we still go for the meaningless functions anyway so that we can grace the pages of City People. And so on and so forth… our decisions are lined up with family/friends/colleagues and societal expectations so that we are not perceived as social misfits.

Doesn’t it give you a headache just thinking about it? When exactly do we start living for ourselves?  When exactly do we start doing the things we want because and just because it’s what we want to do and damn what anybody has to say about it good or bad. Infact damn the consequences of the actions…whether it results good or bad… at least you made them for yourself!!! Yourself!!!!!!!!!


When do we start living our lives for our own self??? Are we so far gone that we forget that we are responsible and accountable for every choice we make, we are the ones responsible for how we choose to live our lives, good or bad, regardless of whom or what influences these decisions? So why don’t you make these choices yours… why don’t you do it because it brings you fulfilment… what are we so afraid of? Why are we so afraid of not getting the necessary approvals from our circle of influence??


A dear friend of mine said the following lines to me recently:


Choose your path; don’t let your path choose you

Choose your friends don’t let your friends choose you

Make things happen, so that what happens around doesn’t define you

Because either way you will be held responsible and accountable for your actions

So why not be the cause and sole reason for those actions’    (I paraphrased)


My advice: Don’t waste your time living someone else’s life…because you see…ultimately…we ARE the CHOICES we make.


So do you really want to be the product of someone else’s opinion?

Let me know

Nutty Jay



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