MUST READ: How My Marriage Became A Nightmare, My Husband Now BrutalizesMe

There are so many fractions of life that need support and a voice. Of late a lot of violent stories have been released and it gives others a glimpse into the rampant lives of abuse in our society especially between couples who supposedly love each other.

The honeymoon period ended the day after we were married, six months from when we first met. Dehinde is about six foot and about 225 pounds in weight. I’m five foot four and 100 pounds. He grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up against the wall. He grabbed my hands and bent them backward, breaking one of my fingers. I was in shock. I was stunned. But I didn’t leave. A few hours after the incident, He broke into tears and told me how sorry he was. I loved him so much, so I believed him when he said it wouldn’t happen again. But life became hell after that.

For the next two months the abuse was nonstop. He kept me in a constant state of terror. I’m not a drinker, but he’d toss a bottle of beer in my face and say “drink”. He’d punch me in the stomach or kick me in the thigh if I didn’t. I started walking on tiptoes around him, fearful of everything I’d say and do. But it didn’t matter; the abuse continued.

He dislocated my shoulder several times. He’d lift me up by the ankles and bang my head against the floor in the living room. A part of me wanted to leave, but another part of me hesitated. Somehow I felt I was partially responsible for the abuse. If I hadn’t made a particular comment or if I had just sipped the alcohol everything would have been OK. And for the first few months he was apologetic after the beatings. He’d say he felt very bad and that he didn’t mean to hit me so hard. He’d actually cry sometimes and show such remorse that I’d forget my own pain.

He’d become romantic and sweet, and I’d fall in love with him all over again. I started to isolate myself from friends and family. I didn’t want them to know about the violence. I put on a happy face with my two kids and tried to act like things were fine. They knew about the violence but didn’t know the severity. When my mom wanted to see me, I’d lie, saying I was busy. I didn’t want her to see my bruises. I was embarrassed.

Sadly, the abuse worsened. The rapes began about two months after we were married. I was dressing for work when he came out of the shower and asked me where I was going. He didn’t wait for my answer. He threw me on the bed, sat on my stomach, pinned my arms up beside my head and ripped off my clothes. “If you want sex, wait until I get home tonight,” I said. “You’ll do it when I want, and how I want,” was his response. It got worse after that. He would tie me up and put foreign objects such as necks of beer bottles into my vagina.

Five months into the marriage I endured beating after beating. While most of the assaults were done when my children weren’t home, I was worried that they might step in and try to protect me. If they did, they might get beaten, too. I began plotting our escape, but it was difficult. He had begun making threatening comments: “You can never get far enough away from me. I will always find you.

If I can’t have you, no one will.” I felt trapped. How I left? He had disappeared for three days. I didn’t know where he was. I thought he had been in an accident. I called his phone; he would answer but not say anything. He arrived home on the third night at about 1 a.m. and immediately started screaming at me that he didn’t appreciate me trying to track him down.

We were in the sitting room and he grabbed the land-phone receiver and began to beat me in the face with it. His eyes were red and flashing like I’d never seen before. I ran to the bedroom, and he was right behind me. He picked me up over his head and threw me across the room twice. I broke my tailbone in the second fall. My 6-year-old daughter woke up. She must have heard something and came to see what was happening. She just stood there, stunned.

He looked at her and got scared for some reason. He went into the bathroom to pack his things. I found my phone, fighting the pain from the broken bone, limped to the living room, I then called my father since then I have not set my eyes on Dehinde.

13 Comments

  • Am sorry to note that you were stupid, you could have died like ordinary fowl. You had all the warnings but never wanted to stay alive, like the Yoruba will say “it is the Head of your Children that saved you” pele. I hope the Devil will not take you back to him, as you are most likely to say HE HAS REPENTED and for the sake of the Children, try it! You are gone patapata and never blame the animal for it.

  • What did you do before you got these beatings? You are silent on that. It could be some unbearable acts of yours that warranted his rage. Anyway, that is not to justify his immatured actions of beating. In anycase, you saw him before you married him, so it’s either you die in his hands and God judge him, or you remain and pray for a change and hopefully, God answers or you dash out of the marriage and face the toughest hell fire for contravening God’s law. Mind you, whatever you do to him as well would have warranted equal options. For better, for worse, till death do you part.

  • Wao! it is obvious that some people ar heartless and devil incarnated. i cn’t beleive that some kind of people are still existing wit dis kind of behavior, this kind of behvio is portray by animal not complete men. anyway this live is full of misery but we don’t hav to allow som kind of things to happen to us. U can miss the step to ur when u guys are stil in courtship, but it’s unfortunate that some of us can’t d/ftiate bw love and lust. please be mindful of the kind of partner u wnt in ur life. i pray dat this brutal element will come back to his right snsis.

  • Did u cheat on him? Even if u did he doesn’t have any right to beat u mercilessly like this. U should have left earlier. May God deliver u oooo
    He is an animal

  • I find dis story particularly hard to believe cos if really some1 recieves so much brutality so often d prsn shld b dead by now.. If on d oda hand it really happened am sorry bt I hv to question ur sanity… Hw cn u stay in such an abusive marriage? Dt man wld hv ended up killin u and den remarry in less dn a year den who wld bear d brunt of it all aside from ur kids? Women need to put a stop 2 dis trend of stayin in an abuse relationship.. Gone are d days wen u say ur enduring so much brutality and misery for d sake of ur kids bcos if u die, there lives wld stil go on… Wt is dis world turnin to?

  • I must say i am disappointed with commentators like Kunle above. I dont think that asking what the lady did is even appropriate in the circumstance. What gives a husband the right to unleash such terror on a woman. She is also human, flesh and blood, somebody’s daughter, sister. Its unfortunate that some women feel that once they are married life ends there. ther is much more to life than marriage and kids. why dont you save your life first, then you will be alive to take care of these kids and see them grow to adults but once ur dead, thats it, thats just it.

  • Marriage is supposed to be an institution of bliss despite its challenges. I believe that the signs(at least one) of his unruly behaviours must have been there for you to see during the courtship period,why did you ignore them? I want you to know that irrespective of what he might have done to you, you will always remain a flower in the minds of those who really love you:your parents, your siblings, your children and sincere friends. Please pick up your life and move on. All his behavours are features of an insecure man.

  • I’m glad you had the courage to leave this man, I hope it’s permanent because your life could depend on it? Please allow yourself to receive all the support and help you can get from your father and others who love you unconditionally. You have to decide to live for yourself and not just your child (ren), chose life! God help you.

  • u need to report this to the police. the man is clearly insane. i have no idea what it looks like in nigeria but in europe a man like that will be persecuted and put to prison and a woman would get all the necessary help from the government – our society don’t tolerate abusing women and children.

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