Ask Jay: I’m Married But I’m in Love With Another Woman

confused black man

Dear Jay,

I am married with 2 kids but my mind is somewhere else, what can I do? I am 37 years of age, I met this girl about 11 years ago but we couldn’t get going due to serious pressure from her parents not to marry from another tribe then we somehow broke up. I got married but now somehow, we got talking again. I love my family but it just seems that I can’t live without her. What can I do please?


Dear S.S,

It can be very hard to be with one person while loving another. However, I will go straight to the point; you are married now and your first responsibility is to your family. You are the head of that home and you can’t abandon them just to please yourself.
I know it will be difficult but you have to end all communication with that other woman. You have moved on and she should too. I hope you will do the right thing. I wish you the very best.



If you have a dilemma and you’d like to share, send an email to ‘Jola Sotubo on [email protected]



  1. I met a girl in 2006, when we both gained admission into the tertiary institution. We dated for 5yrs, we loved each other so so much, like we were meant for each other. in 2011 she got married, and since after then I find it difficult to love again. Ve met many responsible girls, but can’t get myself to love again.. Please I need ur advice on how to go about it, and if guys can help me meet a young lady from eastern part of nigeria that can help me love again, I will be greatful.