Let’s face it: everybody wants to fall head over heels for somebody. Even the self-proclaimed lifetime players would give up that lifestyle for someone who swept them off their feet because you can’t choose when you fall in love. And just like you can’t decide not to feel in love if you are, you can’t decide to feel in love, if you’re not. But, since the concept seems so good on paper, sometimes we (yes, mostly women) will tell ourselves, “This is love” when really he’s just not the one. Here are signs you’re not that serious about him, hard as you may try to be.
1. INSIGNIFICANT THINGS REALLY BOTHER YOU
A sweater he wears, 5 pounds he needs to lose, the way he sings in the car—these things make you want to crawl out of your own skin. When you really love someone, those things are cute, or at the very least tolerable. But if there’s no real connection there, the little flaws stick out like a sore thumb.
2. HE DOESN’T CALL FOR TWO DAYS, AND IT DOESN’T DRIVE YOU CRAZY
Um…hello in there, do you have a pulse??? Two days of zero contact from the man you’re allegedly in love with, and you’re chillin’? Sure, feeling crazed when a guy doesn’t call is not pleasant. But it’s also a symptom of loving someone. You should be upset.
3. YOU’RE COMPARING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS
When you’re really in love, you don’t care what everyone else is doing. Your friends and their boyfriends eat at restaurants more, or already met the parents? Great for them. Those differences in your relationship don’t feel like a problem. When you’re sure about things, you don’t see small indescrepencies as problems. But, when you have a hunch you’re not meant to be with a guy, you want the details from all your friends about their relationships. You’re looking for evidence that things are off with you and your man.
4. YOU CRAVE ATTENTION FROM OTHER MALES
When getting dressed to go out, you still dress with men in mind. You’re daydreaming about the guy who will be eyeing you in that little black dress from across the bar. Basically, you get ready like a single girl does! That doesn’t say much for your level of commitment to your man.
5. HE’S NOT THE ONE YOU RUN TO
When you’re upset about something, crying to your man seems like the obvious thing to do. But instead, you immediately think to call your friend, or your mother, but never your guy. If you really wanted to be close, he’d be your go-to for when you need a sympathetic ear.
6. THE IMAGE OF YOU TWO STANDING AT THE ALTER GIVES YOU ANXIETY
Just picture it: you two gazing into each other’s eyes, everyone you know sitting and watching, celebrating your union. How does this make you feel? If you feel uncertain, that’s okay. But you shouldn’t cringe at the thought. That reaction will never change.
7. YOU’RE LIVING WITH DEAL BREAKERS
There are things that clearly wont work out in the long run, but you’re still seeing the guy. He’s of a different religion from you, even though you only want to marry a man of the same religion, he is a hardcore partier, even though that’s not something you want in your life. You’re only still with him because you’re avoiding the question: what next?
8. YOU’RE FINE WITH PASSIONLESS SÉX
Even in great, loving relationships, there will be times when neither of you are that into it—nights when it feels mechanical and forced. That’s fine, it happens. But it should bother you. You should want, badly, to build up some passion for the next time. But if you’re complacent about your, well, complacent séx, you’re probably not to into anything else he has to offer either.
9. YOU’RE DISRESPECTFUL TO EACH OTHER
You verbally put your man down, even in front of others. That’s often your subconscious’s way of working out your anger over being with the wrong person. You’re too weak or scared to leave the person and be alone, but you’re not happy with him, and that tension has to be released somehow. It’s released through you lashing out at your man.
10. HE’S LAST ON YOUR TO-DO LIST
You’ll see what your friends are up to for the weekend, then your family, then you’ll check if there’s anything you’d enjoy doing alone and then you’ll see what your guy is up to. Essentially, he’s a time-filler. He’s the next best thing. But he’s not someone you just can’t be without.
11. YOU FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY AROUND HIS FAMILY
Deep down you know you won’t be around forever, and they’re expecting you to be a daughter-in-law and the mother of their grandchildren someday. When the expectations of not just your man but also other people come into play, it’s hard to suppress the guilt.
12. WHEN HE WANTS TO DROP BY YOU BECOME IRRITATED
Your guy asks if he can just come over and hang out on a day you were planning on doing nothing. Instead of thinking how nice it will be to have him around, you think of how annoying it will be to have to entertain someone, what a hassle it will be to have to find lunch for you both, and that he’s getting in the way of your lazy day.
13. YOU’RE STILL ASKING YOURSELF IF YOU LIKE HIM
Basically, you opened this article! That’s not a great sign. When you know you’re serious about someone, you know. Dig deep into your memory. Surely you’ve experienced that undeniable attraction between you and another person before. That is what you should be feeling.