People get married for various reasons and that’s why sometimes couples don’t stand the test of time when they begin to have some challenges in the marriage.
Check out top 10 secrets to a happy marriage.
1. Happy couples enjoy each other’s company: Its simple,they like to be together, do things together, spend time and talk about things together. They tend to work on their flaws, get along together and just love each other regardless.
2. Happy couples fight reasonably without escalating things too much: No doubt there will be mis-understandings, arguments but they tend to control their choice of words, work on their mistakes to build a stronger and closer relationship.
For example, University of California (Berkeley) researchers looked at “connected” couples and discovered that they tend to use plural pronouns (“we”, “us” and “ours”) rather than singular pronouns (“I”, “me” and “mine”). As a result, they were less likely to feel stressed out after the disagreement than couples who used singular pronouns. “Using ‘we language’ during a fight helps couples align themselves on the same team, as opposed to being adversaries,” notes lead author Benjamin Seider.
3. Happy couples forgive each other: It maybe hard to forgive and forget, but they do forgive and let it go. When they have done something wrong or hurtful, they offer an apology. When they are the wronged party, they accept the gift of an apology.
Successful couples travel the pathway toward forgiving, which is outlined by author Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who cites these four stages for arrival at complete forgiveness:
— Forgo: Take a break from thinking about the person or event for a while.
— Forebear: Abstain from punishing, neither thinking about it nor acting on (the offense) in small or large ways. Give a bit of grace to the situation.
— Forget: Refuse to dwell; let go and loosen one’s hold, particularly on memory. To forget is an active — not passive — endeavor.
— Forgive: Make a conscious decision to cease to harbor resentment, which includes forgiving a debt and giving up one’s resolve to retaliate.
4. Happy couples have it in mind that marriage is a long time thing and a serious commitment. “There are only two options regarding commitment. You’re either in or you’re out. There’s no such thing as life in between,” they don’t just make promises to each other; they commit, keep to their marital vows.
5. Happy couples are always positive-minded: They pay close attention to what’s going on in each other’s lives and tend to be there for each other. They compliment each and look on the bright side.
6. Happy couples learn from mistakes and grow to be better: They don’t dwell on mistakes rather they use that as a stepping stone to be better to each other and to have a healthy marriage. This in turn build a stronger bond and of course love between the couples.
7. Happy couples tend to keep the love burning and stronger: They try not to fall out of love for each other, rather they find ways to keep igniting the passion and the romance going between them. Create time for each other, go on a date, have romantic dinners, surprise getaways and more.
8. Happy couples bring each other joy. Your partner is the one person you want to be with when you are depressed or going through some challenges because they make you happy.
9. Happy couples believe in the 60/40 rules rather than the 50/50 most people think. You give 60 and take back 40, its vice-versa not a one-sided thing.
10. Happy couples have shared values: They tend to share the same ideas, goals, understandings and are on the same page. Well maybe not all the time but a larger part of the time.
Poet Robert Browning put the secret to successful couples in a nutshell when he wrote, “Success in marriage is more than finding the right person: It is being the right person.”
Source: Your Tango