Step 1: Stop Lying to Yourself.
The number one reason you stay stuck on an ex is a big, fat lie you continue to tell yourself, namely, that “The One Got Away.” It’s hard to let go when you obsess about all of the ways in which he seemed to be perfect for you. However, if he really were your ideal match, he would have chosen you. So the fact that he didn’t means you were not meant for each other. Wow – that’s a relief; you didn’t lose anything except someone who wasn’t right for you! Accept that and you’re ready for the next step.
Step 2: Go with Gratitude.
Once you can be honest with yourself that this wasn’t meant to last, it’s helpful to be thankful for all that was good about your time together. Resentment, anger, and negativity hold you back from a fresh start, so find the grateful place inside where you can be happy for the experiences you had. To help you step into appreciation, you might even write a thank you note stating all of the reasons you are glad to have had your time together. You can decide later if you want to actually share your letter with your ex!
Step 3: Extract the Insight.
From the place of appreciating what was good, it’s now time to reflect on what wasn’t so hot. What were the lessons you learned about yourself, about men, and about relationships? In other words, what did you discover that would help you do it differently, and better, next time? Once again, step into gratitude for the lessons, because now you are a wiser person, more able to create a happy, healthy love that can last. So write down your lessons and more specifically, what you will do differently next time around. For example, if you were going to be your best self in love the next time around what kind of guy you will date, what behaviors you will expect, what won’t you tolerate, how you will handle conflict, how soon you will hop into bed? Take time to think these things through.
Step 4: Let it Go with a Ritual.
Now that you’ve taken the time to really process your relationship, you are ready to symbolically release all that was good and not so good. So take some time to decide on a ritual that feels constructive to show yourself and your subconscious that you are ready to move on. Perhaps you’ll write the positive and negative qualities on slips of paper and burn them, or maybe you’ll select rocks for the lessons and send them down a river… be creative and come up with a ritual that feels empowering to you. You might even invite your best friend to help you release the old and invite in the new.
Step 5: Get Back in the Game.
Now that you’ve grown from your dating experience, you’re ready to get back in the game. So grab a single friend and make a plan to support each other through the initial stages of dating. Schedule some singles events or online date together so you don’t have to go it alone. Most importantly, make a pact to help each other keep your lessons in mind so you don’t make the same old mistakes.
By taking the time to fully learn from each dating relationship, you can take the positive and transform the negative, stepping into the next best version of yourself, one that’s ready to attract a great new love relationship!