by Aminu Lekan
Wonders shall never end! I have entered it. Too bad their is no bail out of this prison. Now, I know why people go to their villages to look for women to marry. Me, I married a first class babe whose high heels will always make me look like a dwarf by her side. Fashion war always going on in her wardrobe. Today it’s Gucci, tomorrow it’s definitely Dolce and Gabana and an every sunday Prada. That is her hand bag time table. And the clothes……..let’s forget about that matter. Not to talk of her lipstick collection that is enough to paint a bungalow. I love my woman and she is crazy about me too but she has fallen in love with an outsider…..her job! Look at me now….or is it a crime for your wife to have a job?!
The other day, she disappeared to work early in the morning leaving me hugging the pillow. That was not even the painful part because at least, the pillow was soft. The painful part was when she pinged me saying “Good morning! sorry I had to leave for work early, kindly prepare indomie or you take cereal” I stomached that!
Nowadays, the only place I get to chat with my wife is either Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp or BBM because she’d always be half asleep when I get back from work. But I don’t blame her because we all have our busy days. What triggers the volcano in my head is what she says at the early moments of our chats …… “Honey, pls can you hold on a bit, I’ve got to quickly type something”, the volcano erupts because she never comes back online and that is even when I catch her online.
The most heart breaking one was the time I decided to surprise her by getting home early…..damn! I wish I branched a Mama Put. Imagine, I got home, then she Whatsapped me “Baby will get home late, lots of things to tidy up. There is little rice in the microwave kindly warm it ……see ya!” What made me happy was the little she added before the rice, at least she knew it was little but, is that how you treat a baby…”Your so called baby?!”.
On and on like that I’ve suffered in the marital prison! Being with someone and still feeling lonely, worst feeling ever. Or is it wrong to make your wife the tea and you the bread winner?!
My 21st century woman is one who pings me to tell me where breakfast is….in the microwave as usual, who Facebooks me to say good morning, tweets me to say “Busy day at work” and whatsapps me to say Happy Birthday…..To crown matters from the root, I just lost my job, which social network do I use to tell her?!….probably 2go!