1. Shampoo, conditioner and body wash. The first shower you take after you give birth will be the best shower of your life and the hospital products suck.
2. A roll of good quality toilet paper or wipes. That first pee after giving birth is brutal. Hospital grade toilet paper feels like sandpaper and you don’t need that rubbing against your bruised lady parts. Trust me.
3. Makeup. I know, I know. You just pushed a human being out of your vagina — who cares how you look in pictures with your newborn? You will. For the rest of your life.
4. Cellphone (obviously,) but don’t forget the charger. Between taking pictures, tweeting, Facebooking, calling, texting and e-mailing, you’ll blow through that battery in no time.
5. An extra bag. You’ll be sent home with diapers, wipes, formula, and more. It’s like a new mother’s Halloween! Make sure you can schlep all of your loot or you’ll be kicking yourself the next week at Babies”R”Us. That crap is expensive.
6. Preparation H. It will be your new best friend.
7. Food. You’re going to be starving and hospital food is revolting. Stock your fridge with all the stuff you haven’t been able to eat in 9 months. And, make sure to lock it from your husband. He’s eaten enough.
8. Extra strength maxi pads. The ones at the hospital haven’t changed in a century. Seriously, they practically have belts. A box of extra strength Always will be one of the best investments you make.
9. Maternity yoga pants. It’s total bullshit, but you will leave the hospital looking as pregnant as you went in. It’s tragic, but true.
10. A Blindfold. For yourself. Girlfriend, you are going to look like hell. Best not to see it.