A lot of people are skeptical when they see a happy couple, especially after they’ve been together for some time. But what I’ve come to realize is that those couples are genuinely happy as individuals, which allows them to grow in their union. When I think back to the rough patches that I had in my relationship even before we were married, I realize now that I played a big role in my own unhappiness.
I wasn’t a happy person period, and I know that contributed to my lack of happiness during that time period. But I didn’t know how to be happy because all I knew was how to be hurt, disappointed, disrespected and taken advantage of. Like they say: hurt people, hurt people. And I was hurt. But over the years, I’ve learned to work through that hurt. I’ve learned to work on myself. I’ve learned to create my own happiness because no matter how hard he tries, my husband can only do but so much.
Even as a wife, I am constantly reminding myself that my happiness is a result of what I pour into myself. It is a result of how I show up and love myself…and not how much my husband is catering to my every need. Loving yourself is essential in any relationship, but especially when it comes to marriage. Just like no one can love you more than you love yourself, no one can make you happier than you can make yourself. It starts with you: not your husband, not your children, not your job or your girlfriends.
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. ~Oscar Wilde
A while back I had a conversation with my husband, and he was telling me about the topic of happiness and love within a marriage that came up at work. The discussion was that when you take time to reflect on yourself:
It opens up your eyes to things you can work on within yourself
It allows you to be more vulnerable and communicate more effectively (which is key to a healthy and happy relationship)
It allows you to reduce arguments and increase discussion on issues that arise
Being happy with yourself allows you to grow closer to your husband, where as being unhappy allows for a wedge to grow between you. It allows for problems and pride to escalate. When you’re happy, people are naturally drawn to you including your husband. He will see the change in you and want to provide even more happiness for you without you seeking it.
Loving yourself is a journey that includes constant reflection of yourself. What makes you happy as an individual? In order to figure this out, you have to get to the root of whatever has caused your unhappiness. This may require some soul searching, counseling or deep, uninterrupted reflection. But it’s essential in being a happy wife, which is a basic element of a happy marriage.