23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged When You’re 23

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$R0561C0I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.

I get it.

It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right? It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers. Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…

Oh wait.

The divorce rate for young couples is higher. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that Seventeen magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,

“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”

“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”

“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”

Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.

Some day, I want to get married too. I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage. I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate. But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.

What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook. I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me. Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?

But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.

I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.

I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.

It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.

Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.

If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you two months from now, two years from now, and two decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.

Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.

We are not our parent’s generation. I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web. I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.

Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.

I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category. I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook. Some how… I will move forward.

But in the words of my 15-year-old sister, “Sorry, I’m not sorry.”

Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.” But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon soooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.

Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.

1. Get a passport.

2. Find your “thing.”

3. Make out with a stranger.

4. Adopt a pet.

5. Start a band.

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.

8. Explore a new religion.

9. Start a small business.

10. Cut your hair.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.

12. Build something with your hands.

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.

14. Join the Peace Corps.

15. Disappoint your parents.

16. Watch Girls, over and over again.

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.

19. Sign up for CrossFit.

20. Hangout naked in front of a window.

21. Write your feelings down in a blog.

22. Be selfish.

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.

The post originally appeared on Wander Onwards.

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  1. Well, its true teeangers/young adults are hanging out and thinking they’re soul mates rather than “I-have-something-in-common friend” — which they really are.
    However, I beg to differ on some of your points. Doing some things (going unclad e.t.c) only makes u destroy the person you could have found in u! I’m 23, and I believe that living by principals that are time-tested can make me the person you WANT to be with.

  2. Everything thing you post admin is as worst as encourage break up, prostitution. instead of encourage young adult on how to settle down their life which is one important part of life instead you’re encouraging them to be dirty, flirt, useless and worthless. you are so stupid for encouraging your sister to double date and flirt and you are as useless as your post to tell your wife to be to fuck as many men as possible at the age of 23. dont worry we are always there to help porous their pussy. double date abi no wahala, follow strangers abi that’s cool, naked on window abi no worry maheeda don already start am. God will purnish your satanic encouragement

  3. Ds piece of advice is from d pit of hell. Youths, beware. Being engaged is good and preferable to messing around with men. It helps to get focused on time n make quick plans for d future. Engagemt at 23 is not too early. Ds write-up is ABSOLUTE NONSENSE.

  4. Lol… The must stupid post i ever read. But guess what, l am 24 now, and will be married sometime this year. This post made me look back and I couldnt help but smile. I used to feel self-pity and regret whenever I remembered my past; crazy stuffz I did out of youthfulness, various failed relationships(if they realy were relationships) I felt alot of inbuilt hate and grudges for those guys that took advantage of my naivety. But after reading this today I feet better about my past for the first time. For i have come to realise that my past is a part of me. It has made me who I am today; experienced, strong, relentless and wise, and if i have the opportunity, I wouldnt change one bit of my past, for my past conceived my present, and the future is nothing but promising.

  5. Nice tho… M 22 n already hv 2 marriage proposal frm 2 diff guys. Bur I dnt wana get married nw probably till m 24 or 25 by God’s grace. And it’s bcs I wana b independent, I wana knw much abt life n ao I cn handle situations.. We youths nw adays gets married under impulses without definin our real self and understndin situations,I wana b able to handle Ma marriage masef without any1’s interference, to b able to settle Ma marriage dispute without Ma parents or his parents interference. Dts wot mst youth marriage wld resolve to if care is nt taken.. Bur u are ryt @ sumthinz n wrng abt dose 23thinz u said.. I cnt advice any1 to do so. We youths shld chil n knw our real self, understnd life n relatnshp befr jumpin in2 marriage. Dt shld b ur advice Admin..

  6. ds post is soso awesome admin,i so much love it…good points noted nd bad points wrapd nd dump in recycle bin(to be restore if needed).wher in heaven did u get those 23 things from?

  7. ur write up is wonderful bt there is a dent…some of ur 23 point only lead to self hate in d future…instead of pursuing frivolities d unmarried youth should indulge in things that brings satisfaction, self worth, self confidence, spiritual growth and activities dat will stand d test of time…so dat at age 50 d individual will look back and smile cos of a life well lived..
    nice one though…just make some corrections.


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