A lot of people all over the world prefer arranged marriage to love marriage because it’s known to last longer. Arranged marriage is where a third party, through matchmaking, brings two adults together who get to know each other, and this could lead to marriage.
Most marriages that started from matchmaking most times have a longer lifespan. This could be because the relationship is devoid of some constraints as both parties get to know their compatibility, lifestyle, taste, values, etc. It could also be because it has less courtship period as against love marriage.
“My belief is that when two parties have known each other for long before marriage, their post-marriage romance loses its spark. More so, two people who gradually fall in love after getting married tend to get the joy of having sown and reaped the relationship; so it lasts longer. I have seen more love marriages that end up in divorces than arranged ones. I think this could be the reason.”
LEADERSHIP gathered that such marriages can survive the test of time, depending on the kind of arranged marriage as some of them come with conditions and constraints.
But to Rev Fr. Ken Maria Onuegbu, a canon lawyer and regional director, Redemptorist Community, Abuja, “there are two kinds of arranged marriage. While one could be arranged by parents of both parties under constraints and condition that either stands to lose the inheritance if he disobeys, the other could be arranged in a lighter note where both parties agree. Based on this, the latter lasts longer. So, a love-based arranged marriage tends to last longer.”
Fr. Onuegbu prefers the term, matchmaking or introduced marriage to arranged marriage, he believes that this kind of marriage lasts longer “because it is carefully selected as the third party becomes the central force who must have known both parties. Secondly, its courtship is usually short and it easily leads to proposal as both parties see each other as new. Thirdly, it lasts longer because they wouldn’t want to disappoint the person who introduced them to each other.”
People can get to meet through a friend, relative, pastor, priest, neighbour or colleagues. They tend to know a little about the other party through the third party. This must not lead to marriage, the end result is dependent upon their mutual agreement and acceptance to go into the union.
According to the couple, “the entry point may be critical in terms of striking the compatibility note because the third party, from what he knows about this person, feels that the other could be compatible with this person. The entry point helps to fasten the error of mutual understanding. The third party here becomes the mediator who will in turn be appreciated after marriage with gifts. Therefore, intimate compatibility is the main reason for it to last longer.”
How then can these parties know that they are compatible without the third party? “The taste of the food is in the pudding. The two adults involved must get to know each other to know the things they can stand and accept from each other. For instance, some people divorce because they cannot stand the other person’s horrible snore,” the couple said.
Unlike arranged marriage, love-based marriage has the tendency to be short because both parties, in most cases, are infatuated rather than in love. They are already staying together as man and wife and there is no longer anything new about them. They are cohabiting and are unconsciously living in a family way; the only difference is that they are not wedded. Such tends to delay the proposal and loss of respect as the man feels like trying other girls, as variety is the spice of life.
“I prayed about mine and it happened. As luck will have it, I am a living testimony of this because I met my husband through a supposed guardian while in school. Last year, we celebrated our 25 years in marriage and renewed our marriage vows,” Mrs Patricia said.
But Lady Uche said that most parents take time to critically choose partners for their children because “what the elder sees sitting, a child cannot see it even when on the highest mountain.”
This proverb goes well for any well arranged marriage guided in love.