A part 2 of Charly Boy’s first article on See Finish Syndrome. Check on it below..
When I published my piece about the death of desire in marriage/relationships (“See Finish Syndrome”) I didn’t expect the kind of feedback I got on that matter, hummm see gobe!
It was clear to me that the marriage institution in Nigeria is in a big problem. Ninety percent of the overwhelming phone calls and emails were from angry, lonely, disgruntled and confused wives. It was then it hit me that millions of homes and marriage relationships are going through a very bad patch, wives are growing very disenchanted with their husbands and their relationship. Before I did the piece (see finish) apart from experiencing it personally, I have heard and seen so much sadness in too many homes that made me swear and ever determined not to allow my marriage be caught by the “See Finish” bug.
From the mails and the phone calls I received, it was clear to me that many wives whilst still in their relationship, DON PORT. They have emotionally moved on engaging in hot sizzling extra-marital affair. The number is alarming, their reasons are as enlightening as it is revealing and I must add, I learnt quite a lot from all the sad stories I heard and read. Thank God for the opportunity, I will always share with my readers some of my personal experiences, trusting that in coming clean I will also learn from the mistake of others. Long story short, it is for me therapeutic.
Many wives these days “DON PORT”, alarming unconfirmed statistic show a large number who have grown disinterested in their marital sex, while husbands are busy reassuring themselves that their wives are still “The Good Girl” they married. Hummmmmm. For many who wrote in and I spoke to, swore that they never thought they were the “Type” that would ever cheat, but now they are far too deep into it and never want to stop. I begin to see a pattern in all of this confusion, if we don’t develop an accurate understanding of our wives; very soon, marriages will become old fashion because so many people are becoming disillusioned with the whole institution. In all of this, so many men are stuck with their societal beliefs about females that are grossly distorted and completely erroneous. Wahala dey my people.
The following is a letter from one of my numerous readers, since she doesn’t mind me sharing it with you, I don’t mind either…
I am writing this because there is a serious issue I’m struggling with, I desperately need to share it with someone. I felt I could open up to you and not be judged having followed you for long. I don’t mind if you use this mail on your several platforms, i believe i speak for many too.
I got married in the 90’s to perhaps the most wonderful man on earth and together, we have one of the best families anyone would wish to have. My husband and I are doing very well on our jobs and our kids are excellent both at home and at school.
We have no reason to suspect each other or anyone, there is nothing like lack of trust in this relationship. We live in each other’s body and so, privy to what the other is doing per time and we are very supportive of each other, at the same time, being each other’s worst critic because we always are on the look-out for areas to improve. We’re absolutely loyal and faithful to each other, nothing less than a 100%.
This is a summary of the home I had until 3years ago.
I met a man in the course of my job who came along with a new information and completely opened my eyes to a new feeling.
Ours wasn’t a chance meeting, we worked together on a project so we exchanged phone numbers and since then he has always called. That was the beginning o, he would not let me rest, calling and texting nice stuff almost by the minute. Before long, I started looking forward to this. We started bonding like you can never imagine. In a very short space of time, we became an item. This means spending more time with him……..at the expense of my family time.
I didn’t start sleeping with him o, we kept things off SEX Lane and surprisingly, he didn’t make a fuss. Of course, each time we saw, he wanted to get it on but as soon as I told him ‘No’, he just let me be without getting angry. At least not obviously.
This singular act, I think, is the clincher that made me very fond of him because back home, the only thing that caused quarrels between my gentleman husband and I was the fact that he made too much fuss each time I refused him sex, when I’m tired or not just in the mood. He gets angry to a convulsive state and I used to wonder if it was running away.
For more than a year of seeing each other, my now boyfriend (OMG, am I writing this?), asked for sex and I felt obliged. He had been very understanding, so why don’t I do him this honors. So I agreed. He was so gentle and alluring, handled me the way no man had ever done me before. I felt like a woman, perhaps for the very first time, allowing me experience orgasm before him, Wow, is this heaven or what? After which he gave me my 1st bath as an adult. I had never seen that before. It’s a season of firsts for me and I was loving every second of it,
Please pardon me, I crave your indulgence, I needed to open this up to someone and I’m glad I found your platform. Thank you. Just hear me out, that’s all I ask.
I no longer have time for anybody and anything else. I get infuriated by the smallest things, making mountains out of moll hills. Any small thing, I resign to my basement and ask that no one disturbs me. My basement, which hitherto was a dungeon of not-frequently-used items in the house, is now my get-away, to be alone with my lover, who incidentally is also married. My loyalty to my family is brutally divided or is it totally eroded? My husband has been and remains a good man, i doubt if he ever has been unfaithful to me in the close to twenty years of our marriage and I know he doesn’t deserve this. At least, one good turn they say….
I know, I have a feeling this is bad, very bad, but I’m enjoying this new information. Imagine, it’s been well over two years since we started sleeping with each other and I can’t even find a word for the kind of sex we share. My boyfriend just knows how to keep it ever new and fresh, every single time.
The strange thing is my husband doesn’t even have a clue I’ve been cheating. Even if the thought crosses his mind, he would probably think something is wrong with him ‘upstairs’ for thinking such thoughts. AreaFada, please don’t advise me to stop o, just counsel me on the best way you think I can keep the groove on without breaking eggs…how to have the best of my now two worlds.
My happiness is very important, am sexually alive with my boyfriend.
Thank you for your time, may God bless you.