The goal going in has to be about creating a great and long lasting relationship. You need to be ready to embrace all that comes with this union and be prepared to put in the work necessary for positive results.
Part of making this happen is to be mindful of how you choose a person to spend your life with. There are some important things to examine and address if you want the best in the long run.
Here are three core question you can ask yourself that will help you make the right decision.
Am I Willing To Give Them What They Need?
A lot of people go into marriage focused on what they can gain. They make it more about them, and this approach isn’t truly in their best interest. Yes it is clearly a factor, but marriage needs to be more about the giving, not the getting.
If you are not prepared to pour into your partner what they need, then you are not going to experience a happy, fulfilling, and long lasting relationship.
You should be marrying a person who you are prepared to be selfless with, and not selfish with.
When you do this you increase your ability to get all that you need in return, that is of course if you are mindful of the next question to ask yourself.
Do We Share The Same Values?
Sometimes opposites attract, and that isn’t always a bad thing. When you can embrace each other’s differences then you may find great balance in your relationship. Just understand that not having things in common like favorite foods, hobbies, and certain personality traits is not the same as being on two different pages or having core values that differ.
If you embrace the principle of giving and being selfless, while your spouse thinks the idea is silly, the two of you are going to have a major conflict in your relationship.
If you desire kids, a big family, and certain family values; but your spouse doesn’t want kids and could care less about that structure in their life, well you are going to have big problems.
You both have to be on the same page with the things that are most important to you, and overlooking that is a set up for disaster.
Am I Truly In Love With This Person?
Far too many people marry a person they are not truly in love with. They may do it for the kids, or because the individual is a “good person”, or simply because they figure time is ticking and this is currently their best option (in their mind).
The list goes on, but the bottom line is the foundation of a genuine true love doesn’t exist there. Some may say that shouldn’t be a factor, and you don’t have to marry for love.
Personally I believe that this is one of the biggest mistakes people make. In my opinion it isn’t money, sex, or cheating that are the biggest causes of divorce; it is a lack of connection that is the true #1 reason.
When you lack that foundation, you open the door to having a relationship that can be easily damaged. You make it harder to endure the difficult moments that we all experience when you are trying to get through it with someone you’re not really in to like that.
Being mindful of having the foundation of friendship and true love can take you a long way towards experiencing the marriage that you will feel is truly right for you.
There are plenty of other questions you could ask yourself, but I believe these are the fundamental questions that must be addressed.
The wrong answer to any one of these may be enough to think twice about moving forward with your partner.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, but when people don’t take what I believe is the correct approach, they will add to the negative perception that many others have of it.
So do yourself and all around you the favor of being honest with yourself, and make sure you walk into marriage with the right mindset and the right person.