This reader, who gave only his name – Michael – is very confused and scared of his own feelings and urges. We publish the letter he sent in
I’m a 32-year-old single male teacher from a small community near Abuja. I really don’t know what to do and if I should somehow to stop thinking those thoughts, or go see a doctor, or hand in myself to the police.
I have had few past relationships with girls my age, but they weren’t satisfied with my being too involved in school work and, of course, in the small amount of money I get.
I’m teaching small children, both boys and girls, aged 10-12. I never feel any unhealthy urges towards them, I swear by God.
However, when I see my neighbor’s 14-year-old daughter, I often start thinking improper thoughts about her. I feel attracted to her, both physically and emotionally. As I am on friendly terms with her parents, they trust me to help her in some school subjects. I don’t allow myself to make any sexual references when we’re alone in the room (her dad would often sit in the kitchen waiting for us to finish), but I also feel she’s interested in me, too. She’s so young and innocent, her sexuality has just started to blossom, of course she would be interested!
I feel so guilty for this. Should I change my place of residence? But I’ve grown fond of the kids I’m teaching, the accommodation is good… Or should I just wait until she comes of age and see if she wants a relationship with me? I’m too afraid and embarrassed to talk to our Pastor, or seek any medical help. Maybe someone with an unbiased opinion would give a suitable advice? Thank you.