If you’re like most women today, you’ve grown up on the tell-all tales of Sex and the City. You might’ve even modeled your own group of friends on the idea of no-holds-barred sharing and caring. While the caring part is legit, the sharing part can create problems in your relationship and amongst yourselves that you never anticipated. I’m going to give you seven things you should tell your journal about your partner rather than your friends. And I’m going to tell you why they’re important to keep between you and your partner. Ready? Of course you are! And the next time your bestie calls you up for an all night chat session, you may want to point her to this article instead. Just sayin.’
1. “He’s Perfect!”
No, he or she is not. Bottom line. It’s understandable, especially in the beginning, that you want to feel (and make your friends feel) as though you’ve made a real catch. But when the inevitable problems come down the pike later on, you could end up with undue feelings of guilt and embarrassment because of your previous bragging. It may keep you in the relationship longer than you should be. You may also have to deal with uncalled for reactions from your friends when the truth comes out. I once had a friend tell me that next time I should “go after someone in my own league” after a breakup. Ouch. True story and it still stings. But I’d talked up the ex to no end…before it ended. And also, jealous much? I didn’t realize I’d made my friend feel inferior with my stories of perfection.
2. “He Never…!”
This is the opposite of bragging and it can be as equally damaging. First of all, it can give your friends a healthy dislike for your mate. When someone puts a ring on it, you’ll be dealing with all kinds of backlash from people who think you’re making a mistake. After all, your partner just can’t do anything right. How can they be the one for you? If you’re going to share with your friends, make sure you’re humble enough to point out a real picture of your significant other. Oh, and just like bragging can keep you in a relationship, going overboard on the negative can have you jumping out of it too soon.
3. “He Cheated On Me”
Okay, this one comes with a caveat. If you’re trying to work the relationship out, it’s not a good idea to share that you’ve been cheated on. Why? Because your friends and family love you too much to let that stand. They might always hold a grudge against your guy, even if you’ve decided to forgive. If the relationship is over, then, of course, feel free to shout it to the rooftops that he did you wrong.
4. The He Said/She Said Nitty Gritty
I know, one of our favorite pastimes is to analyze every word and deed that goes on in our relationships. We want our friends to tell us we’ve said the right thing, or that he said the wrong thing, or that it’s going to work out (or isn’t). Basically, we do this looking for approval. And that’s dangerous territory. Your relationship choices are between you and the person you’re dating, and no one else. So tread lightly when you share fight and pillow talk details. You help to honor your relationship and keep the bond strong when your interactions are between you two. Sometimes you’ve gotta vent, and it’s okay. Just try not to make it a constant in your life. It also fosters a kind of relationship obsession that isn’t healthy. After all, our partners are part of our lives, not the whole thing.
5. Money Problems
Sharing money problems can be disrespectful to your partner. And you never know when someone you’ve told will let the cat out of the bag, offering to pay, making an awkward situation. Men are especially sensitive about money, so be respectful if he’s going through a budget-conscious time. It’s okay to tell your friends you’re staying in for a movie night without telling them why. You’d probably hope for the same discretion if the tables were turned, too.
6. Intimate Bedroom Details
Whether good or bad, this can break your intimacy with your partner, create insecurity if they find out you’ve spilled the beans and also foster unfair judgements from your friends that leads you to poor decision making later on. Yikes! If it’s good, say so. If it’s bad, say you’re working on it. If they want to know more, tell ’em your name isn’t Anastasia Steele and you’re not dating Christian Grey.
7. Name Calling and Gossiping
When you’re upset, you can lose your cool, we all have. We can take it back to the schoolyard with names that make us feel empowered for about three seconds. And then it’s out, and you’ve gone and made your friend think you’re dating a total D*@$# Bag. Even after the fight is over. No Bueno. We also tend to bring up personal issues in our partners’ lives that aren’t our friends’ business, we backslide into gossip territory. Something like, “And then he told his therapist…which makes him crazy.” Just don’t do it. This is a time to write a diary entry instead.