Sometimes, it’s better not to say anything. Telling a woman how large her ribcage and calves are isn’t the best way to get on her good side. Yet some guys think it is. Seriously. Compliments are awesome, but more often than not, clueless guys can dish out something that sounds far more like an insult than something a woman is psyched to hear. I asked a handful of women the worst “compliments” a guy has given them. These are the six dumbest. But since I kinda like you, I’m going to clue you in on what you should say instead.
#1. “Wow, you have a really big ribcage!” A guy said this to me on a fourth date as things were getting hot and heavy. I’m not sure if he was trying to compliment my boobs and chickened out, but regardless, no girl wants to hear the word big in reference to her body. And yes, that includes talking about her boobs. I mean, seriously: a really big RIBCAGE? What does that even mean? Should I see a doctor? Am I going to be okay?
SAY THIS INSTEAD: “You’re so hot.” That’s all we need to hear when we’re getting hot and heavy. Simple, direct, and will definitely not stop the action in its tracks or make us concerned for our health. We’re not asking for Shakespeare; we are asking for Not Willingfully Ignorant And Or Stupid. Our ribcages thank you.
#2. “My mom says you’re the best girlfriend I’ve brought home so far!” Okay — we get that you’re trying to say your mom has given us the stamp of approval, but this sounds weird on a couple evels. First, it’s slightly disconcerting to know you and your mom are talking up how we compare to girlfriends past. (“Kate is certainly my favorite, but she doesn’t have Chrissy’s rack.” Seriously, did this conversation happen or not?) Second, the so far makes it sound like you’ve always got a bag packed, anticipating the day you’ll bust your ass catcalling around town till you find mommy’s new favorite. In general? Avoid comparisons.
SAY THIS INSTEAD: “My mom loved you.” We’re always worried about what your parents think of us, so knowing we have the seal of approval is great. But the info should stop here.
3. “Are you sure you don’t want to have kids? You have the hips for it!” Yes, one woman says that a guy actually said this to her on a date. Most men should know mentioning a woman’s hips in any context is unacceptable. You may admire them, but let me straighten a couple of things out for you: 1) I said I didn’t want kids. I don’t want kids. If that changes, I’ll let you know; the way my body is shaped (and your truly stunning observational skills) does not affect my decision. 2) So you’re saying I have hips that look as though I could squeeze out a few seven-pound babies at any given moment? So you’re saying I have a particularly wide middle and could possibly be storing babies in there at this very second? I don’t know what you’re trying to communicate, but you’re not getting laid.
SAY THIS INSTEAD: *Silence* Eh, in general (unless we’re living together and you’re ready to put a fat ring on my teeny-tiny not-wide finger), don’t bring up having kids in a random conversation. It’s going to make things weird, especially sex; who’s to say you’re not poking holes in the condoms? You think my hips are ready for childbearing, don’t you? Do you see where this is going? Don’t you wish you left my hips alone?
#4. “Your calves are scary.” This was meant as a compliment to a woman who was a runner. While it’s nice to be admired for our muscles, it’s another thing entirely to use the word scary in reference to our physique. I’ve heard it elsewhere, too: “That girl’s body is sick!” In general, I’d advise against using language that sounds like we either need to be institutionalized or hospitalized, regardless of your good intentions.
SAY THIS INSTEAD: “Your legs look so toned!” Use the word toned to describe our bodies. (In our brains, oftentimes, athletic or strong seem like euphemisms forbig. You know, masculine. You’re basically calling us heifers.) We can’t argue with toned; you’re dishing out a word that serves up the least connotation-wise and the most compliment-wise. Also, make sure that the body part you’re discussing is G-rated unless you’ve seen that body part naked multiple times before. Hearing how much you like our ass when we’ve only been on one date is just creepy. You don’t even know my ass like that yet
#5. “You’re not the prettiest woman I’ve met today, but you’ve got the style and attitude going on.”
The man who said this to my friend was surprised when she rebuffed him, adding that this compliment “usually works” on chicks. Okay … what? In a way, his candor is refreshing. We’ve all heard of the pick-up artist technique of negging, and because we all have heard about it and seen it in action, it’s not effective.
Saying it is just rude; even if I have style and attitude, your statement asserts that I’m lacking. Plus, if I have the “attitude” you’re saying I have, why wouldn’t I punch you in the throat for that comment?
SAY THIS INSTEAD: “You look amazing.”
Wow! Weird how this alternative might be more effective than a outright insult!
It’s simple and straight to the point, and even though it’s a little cheesy, we’re still going to be flattered. In general, if you’re trying to pick up a stranger, be sincere and straight to the point. Chatting someone up is always a little on the creepy side, so there’s no need to make it creepier by trying out pick-up artist techniques I guarantee won’t work — and may end up with the girl throwing a drink in your face or kneeing you in the groin. (And those girls can be the best ones in bed.