“Why won’t he just tell me how he feels?” This is the cry of so many women as they struggle with the fact that their men don’t express much emotion. As a result, they start to question themselves and the relationship all because he won’t “just say it!” NEWS FLASH ladies just because you like to talk about your feelings… doesn’t mean that your man does. The quicker you understand that men and women express themselves differently, the happier you will be in your relationship. Oh, and before you say “well he should just be able to tell me how he feels” understand there is more to the story…….
Ladies, please understand that, from a young age, men are taught to hold in emotion because expressing it was viewed as a sign of weakness. His dad told him to stop crying because “real men don’t cry.” Until he was older, he was told he was soft if he expressed how much he liked a woman (it was only cool if he wanted to have sex with her). The girls he liked in high school and college weren’t really feeling him if he was telling her how beautiful she was and how he much he loved her because that made him “clingy” “needy” and the dreaded “too nice.” Then suddenly, something strange happened….he’s grown now and in a relationship or a marriage, and his woman hits him with “why don’t you ever express how you feel!?”
Suddenly the man who had been told his entire life not to express emotion, is being held to the fire for doing just that! Lord he just can’t win!
Ladies here a few things that may help you be less frustrated:
1. Men Love Through Actions
If you are asking yourself if he loves you, then first and foremost pay attention to his actions. Is he still taking care of you and his responsibilities? Is he still sacrificing for you and serving you? Does he still do nice things for you? If he is still doing all of these things for you, then don’t negate those just because he won’t take his shirt off and start singing in the rain about how much he loves you. That may be how you express your love, but it may not be the same for him! Stop asking him how he feels and instead ask him how he expresses his love.
2. Don’t Judge Him (emotionally)
Truth is that many women only want their man to express emotion when it’s something reaffirming to her. What you don’t realize though is that when he expresses emotion other times and you judge him for it. Then, you are creating an environment that he won’t be comfortable expressing ANY emotion in. You can’t want him to talk about how much he loves you, but if he expresses emotion about something that’s not becoming of you you say he “needs to man up” or is “whining.” This is a guaranteed recipe for being stuck wondering why doesn’t he ever express emotion.
Now fellas, you aren’t off the hook completely! Yes, you may love differently. But remember, sometimes you have to sacrifice how you do things for the sake of your mate. Sometimes it’s just music to her ears to hear you SAY IT! Sometimes she needs to hear you say you love her, need her, cherish her, and you don’t want to live without her. It makes her feel wanted and secure in the relationship, which in turns helps her remain willing to be vulnerable in it. She needs that affirmation and it doesn’t hurt you to give it to her occasionally.
At the core of all of this is seeking to understand each other vs. saying what the other person “should do!”