Flowers and cards can say, “I’m sorry” but alone, they just don’t cut it when you are trying to give a sincere apology to the person you love.
When we honestly apologize to someone, it is because we want forgiveness.
We want to be let off the hook for whatever wrongdoing we’ve done, or hurt we’ve caused.
And you can’t always receive the forgiveness you seek when you simply flop down a bouquet with a generic thank-you card.
Apologies take effort, and you should take the time to formulate a genuine apology with the following eight steps.
The 8 essential steps of apologizing to a lover
#1 Find out what exactly happened. Don’t guess what the issue is, ask your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse to clearly tell you what you said or did to hurt them.
#2 If you are at fault in the situation, then you should take responsibility for your actions.
Placing the blame elsewhere is immature and will set you back further, possibly risking your relationship.
#3 You should prepare your apology, taking into account what you want to say and how you want to say it. Also, you should keep the delivery of your apology, such as the time and place, in mind.
#4 Say sorry sincerely. If you’re not genuine, the apology will definitely fail and you will be back to square one.
#5 Be grateful and thank the person for listening to you. Depending on what you’ve done, that could be more difficult than you understand.
#6 Don’t assume you will be excused, and instead ask for forgiveness.
#7 Remember to be patient. Sometimes, accepting an apology can take time, and your partner needs space to think about what comes next.
#8 Follow through on your word. If, in your apology, you agree to do something, or stop doing something, make sure you honor those promises.
Now, while these are the fundamental steps to creating a meaningful apology, you also need to take into consideration the differing degrees of an apology.
While a modest sorry might be acceptable if you forgot to call, that won’t fly if you’ve done something severely untrustworthy like break an important vow.
Apologizing in love
While these essential steps, and different degrees of “I’m sorry” can help you out if you’ve made a mistake in love and need to apologize, they are not fail proof.
Not all things can be forgiven. If you’ve done something truly menacing or cruel that could likely have a lasting impact on a relationship, regardless if an apology is given or not, forgiveness might be hard to come by.
It’s best to steer clear of such a situation from the beginning, and instead be honest and trustworthy throughout your relationship. Then you won’t need to do so much apologizing.