Let’s be honest, we’re all basic. We know it and Apple especially knows it.
The new iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus were released today, and this means long lines, high demand and spending a lot of money you can’t afford to spend.
The iPhone 6 is loaded with features that are sure to change the game when it comes to all things basic: selfies, Instagram, sexting, shopping.
Here’s how the iPhone 6 will enhance the lives of basic bitches everywhere.
Longer battery life for all-nighters.
The new iPhone 6 Plus battery lasts up to 24 hours on standby. That means you have time to get ready with friends, go out to a bar and wander home the next morning with your phone still on.
Fitness apps to match your yoga pants even though you don’t go to the gym.
The new M8 motion processor can track if you’re cycling or running. That lets you use your phone for something other than Instagram and Twitter while on the treadmill.
Prettier Selfies, #NoFilter
iPhone 6 and 6 Plus have an updated front-facing camera that takes “burst” selfies, meaning you can pick the picture where you don’t have a double chin. Thank you, technology, for making us more photogenic.
Photos will make your life look way, way better than it really is.
There’s an updated panorama setting. Read: better sunset, Grand Canyon and football tailgating group pictures. Picturesque moments look like more fun on social media, anyway.
WiFi that will allow you to make calls from your friend’s basement apartment.
New enabled WiFi calling lets you phone a friend in those awful dead spots, whether it’s the subway station downtown or your sister’s crappy deadzone of an apartment.
No autocorrecting to “ducking.”
The iPhone’s predictive keyboard basically means that you can stop accidentally typing “duck” and all those other typos you hate.
TV and video anywhere to help you cope with being single.
iPhone 6 Plus has up to 14 hours of video time running on battery alone. So that’s 14 episodes of “Breaking Bad,” enough TV time to secretly get you through two slow days at work.
Procrastinate with better looking games.
The new phones also have an A8 processor, a 64-bit chip designed to make phone gaming more beautiful. Thought your avatar on “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood” looked hot before? Look at her now.
Throw shade more stealthily.
The redesigned power button is now on the side and easier to reach. No more awkwardly scrambling to turn your screen off when sending catty texts about someone at the same party.
Live tweet like a professional.
The iPhone 6 is 50 percent faster than the original model. To be honest, that’s the difference between live tweeting comments from your drunk coworker at happy hour and losing those gems forever.
No more squinting at the screen.
Apple’s new rotating screen display enables you to see things on your phone clearly. Gone are the days of squinting at Reddit. Now, you’ll be able to actually read the words.
One-handed phone features for more multitasking.
New features enable you to use your iPhone one-handed. One eye on the cute guy across the bar, one hand texting a friend. Neither activity requires your full attention, and you know it.
Pay for your pumpkin spice latte faster.
Apple Pay means cashless, cardless buying. Now you can pay for your morning Starbucks coffee without having to dig through your bag to find your wallet.
Because no cash or credit cards are needed, you can wear more leggings.
Apple’s new payment system, which comes on every phone, eliminates the inevitable mental debate of whether or not to stick your credit cards in your bra. Just pick up your iPhone, chug that last glass of red wine and go.
Silver and gold since you probably think you’re royalty.
Let’s talk aesthetics. No one wants to see your fugly, peeling Etsy phone case from five years ago.
Now, iPhones come in brushed silver, gold and space gray shades that are practically their own accessories.
Say goodbye to silicone cases because the new iPhone’s waterproof and shatterproof.