One of the major issues couples typically complain about is communication. Everyone knows men and women have very different communication styles. It’s still obvious that women are from Venus and men are from Mars and that we all speak different love languages. Quite naturally this causes confusion.
While women are sometimes the initiators and are naturally more prone to communicate with their partner, there still appears to be a disconnect in what we sometimes communicate about. Men, although they may be open to listening, aren’t usually eager to ask more clarifying questions to ensure they have the best understanding or interpretation of our words.
Some women are quick to share the wordy details of the workday and what the bestie did to hurt their feelings. However, some occasionally seem to still struggle in this one area. The one area, that one lie some women are still telling is…
“Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine”
When clearly, the majority of times we are asked what’s wrong, we are either frustrated, offended or disappointed by something our spouse said, did or didn’t do.
Our mouth is telling one story, while our silence, eye rolling, folded arms and pursed lips are telling a completely different one. Believe it or not, the men in our lives know better. They know us and can easily tell when a mood has changed. We strip them of their protective, problem-solving powers when we keep our true concerns hidden. It also makes it very difficult to have an honest conversation and obtain the results we’re seeking.
Most women tell this particular lie because we feel as though our partner should automatically know what’s bothering us. Some of us think the connection should be that strong, that without us ever saying a word, our mate should not only know the issue, but promptly apologize for it too.
The truth is, men need clarity. As obvious as it may seem, they need to hear the specifics of what’s really upsetting us. They also need to understand why, whatever it was, bothered us the way it did. The last piece is critical, as it may not seem like a big deal to them. If it is to you, you must share. People, in general, can receive information easier when the “why” is explained thoroughly.
Ladies, we have to be willing to discuss our needs and not leave our partner guessing. Effective communication means just that, it’s effective. It generates positive results and allows both partners the opportunity to be on the same page.
With all of that being said, I do, however, recommend that you pick your battles selectively. It’s important to perform self-assessments to determine whether what’s bothering us at the moment, is actually that big of a deal. If it is and we need a release, then it has to be discussed, for the overall health of the relationship.
Whether our partners have a clear understanding of what’s bothering us or not, what is so wrong with actually expressing it? It will immediately clear up any confusion or doubt and get us a lot closer to resolving the situation. In the end, isn’t that what we really want anyway?