Most people don’t enter a marriage with thoughts of cheating on their mind. I’m no fool, so I also know that some people go into the partnership with no intentions of being faithful. However, I do believe that the majority of people have good intentions and they want their union to last.
However, none of us are Christ. And even with the best intentions, some people find themselves unhappy in their relationship and suddenly their minds begin to wander. They start to feel like maybe—just maybe—the grass is greener on the other side. They start to wonder if they can find another person out there who can satisfy their needs and give them what they are not getting from their spouse.
The problem is, the grass usually isn’t greener. And you know what, even if it is, it still doesn’t excuse infidelity. Although some people may forget this, when you enter a marriage you owe your spouse certain things. Even if the love fades and the marriage starts to suffer, you still made a commitment that you need to honor until both of you can determine what the next step should be.
If you find that your eyes are beginning to wander and your heart is starting to stray, keep these tips in mind. They may not save your marriage, but before you even think about cheating you owe yourself and your spouse this much.
Here are 5 things you need to do if you are thinking about cheating.
1. Begin individual counseling or therapy sessions. The decision to cheat is a very personal one, which is why individual counseling may help. What’s going on in your mind? Why are you unhappy? Why does cheating feel like a reasonable thing to do? Therapy can help you work through your personal issues. This doesn’t mean that whatever is wrong in your marriage is your fault, but it does mean that the way you choose to manage what is going on is your decision. If your way of managing it is to cheat, you have to work through some stuff on your own.
2. Have an honest conversation with your spouse. If my husband wants to cheat, I sure hope he has the guts to come and tell me. Will I be pissed off? Of course! Disappointed? Heck yea! But I would rather hear this man tell me what’s on his mind and alert me to the problem at hand than to later find out that he did something that will forever damage how much I trust him. As far as I am concerned, give me the truth—even if it hurts like hell.
3. End communication with anyone you are thinking about cheating with. Maybe it’s an old friend or maybe a colleague, but whomever it is that has you feeling like you want to mess around, I suggest you keep your distance. We are all human, and you really can’t buy a dozen donuts every morning but expect to lose weight. It’s counter-intuitive. Keep the temptation out of your face.
4. Turn to your faith for guidance. I firmly believe that when it comes to anything that threatens to damage your marriage, you must turn to the foundation your marriage is built on. If you got married before God, turn to Him when you find yourselves in troubled waters.
5. Seek professional counseling as a couple. The individual help is critical but when infidelity is something that either party is considering, couples counseling is a must. You have to come together to determine what is going on and if your relationship can be saved. Once you both (hopefully) decide that it can, it’s time to put in the work.