We all know the basic things that every engaged couple talks about before marriage, like finance, family planning, religion, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc. It is always better to know each other’s point of view on these basic topics before you decide to tie the knot.
However, in today’s time, there are a few lesser-explored topics that we feel, a to-be wed couple should talk about. Though they may seem small, they do have the potential to become troublemakers in a marriage. Therefore, we thought it is more important to cover these points that are silent killers in a relationship, and make you aware of them.
#1. Where do you want to settle down?
There might be several questions on your mind before you marry your partner, and one such is your place of living after marriage. This one goes out especially for couples who might not live with their family, or for the ladies, who might not feel comfortable staying with their in-laws.
Ladies, if you have any apprehensions about staying with your in-laws after marriage, we suggest you to discuss this topic with your partner beforehand.
Well, for the couple who might decide to live away from their parent’s home, here are a few things you must talk about. How will you go about choosing the right location? Will it be decided, by keeping the husband’s workplace location in mind, or the wife’s? Do you want to rent a house or purchase one yourself?
Like these, hundreds of questions might pop up in your mind when you think about settling down. Therefore, have a thorough discussion about it before your wedding and make sure that both of you are on the same page.
#2. What if one of you gets transferred?
It is a very likely scenario in today’s world where one partner might get transferred to a different city or country. Well, if either of you are in a transferrable job, it is important to consider this point before marriage.
If such a scenario arises wherein one of you gets transferred, will your spouse accompany you to the new location, or will you consider passing up on the offer? Also, will your spouse consider taking a transfer (if their office allows), or will they look for a new job? Or, will your partner be willing to give up their career and move with you?
If your partner is not ready to move to a new place, then are you ready to step into a long-distance relationship and make it work? Many such parameters will come into play when you work these questions out, so deal with them well before you get married.
#3. Handling adverse situations
May you never have to see that day, but life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and not all of them have positive outcomes. Adverse situations, such as bankruptcy, sudden death in family, losing your job, etc., are a few of the road bumps for which you two need to prepare well in advance for a smooth journey ahead.
A healthy and thorough discussion on who will bear the expense if any of you lose your job is very important. Also, make it a point to discuss on topics related to financial planning and savings. Amount of saving, as well as, mode of saving (like, investing on property, gold or mutual funds) should also be discussed, beforehand.
#4. Division of household responsibilities
In today’s time when both the partners are working, leaving the responsibility of the household chores on the wife is a little impractical. Thus, a couple must share the responsibilities and talk about division of the same prior to the marriage.
You need to decide upon things such as, cooking, cleaning, doing the dishes, etc., beforehand to avoid false expectations in the future.
#5. Discussing your past
Well, now that you have decided to enter the institution of marriage, it is better to clear your mind of any past incidence(s) that might have an impact on your future. We all know the famous idiom ‘let bygones be bygones’. However, if there is any significant event from your past, which might have an impact on your future, then it is better to reveal it to your partner, before he/she learns it from some other source.
Whether it is about past relationships, family history, medical history, or any other significant experiences of your life, talk to your partner about them. These things will help to form a solid base for your future.
#6. Children and their upbringing
Most couples discuss the correct time to have children and how many kids they want, but inclusion of another important topic to this discussion is also necessary. We are talking about, discussing the parenting style you two wish to adopt when it comes to your child’s upbringing.
What are your personal views on parenting? And, what is your would-be’s point of view? Who will take care of the children in case both of you are working? Also, what are your views on day-care, schooling, and things like that?
#7. Involvement of your parents in marriage
In Indian marriages, parents play a major role and are often the ones who are involved from top-to-toe in a couple’s life. However, sometimes the over-involvement of one’s parents might not go down well with the other partner or their family and it can become a cause of concern.
Sometimes people attribute the over involvement of parents (theirs or their partner’s) as one of the main reasons for marital discord. Therefore, it is better if you can have a thorough and straight discussion about the roles and the degree of involvement of your respective parents in your marriage.
Thus, a healthy discussion on these crucial topics will help you get an insight on your partners’ perspective on marriage. Going forward, it will also help to sort out your difference of opinions and set a fair level of expectations from each other.