Do you ever look at your marriage and think, how did we get here? Sure, you are still in love, and you have no intentions of leaving your spouse, but that feeling of excitement and romance is fading more and more each day. You are starting to wonder in you can get it back.
It happens to the best of us. We get married and life seems full of possibilities. We travel, we talk about our dreams, and then we get settled and things start to happen. Maybe we start having kids, or maybe someone’s parent becomes ill and needs to move in. The planned and the unplanned show up in ways we weren’t quite prepared for, and the toll on our love lives is real.
So how do you get back that loving feel when it seems like it’s gone? It can be tough, but certainly not impossible. After all, no one ever promised that keeping the sparks alive and well would be easy. It takes work. But with true love, and a willingness to make a few shifts, you can find yourself with those same loving feelings you had the day you got married, happy that you chose the right person to travel this journey with.
Here are a few things that may be making you lose those loving feelings. Try to work against them, and I am pretty sure the romance and excitement will make its way back into your life in time.
1. Neglecting to date each other.
Dating is one of those things that so many couple take for granted, but it really is an important opportunity for couples to connect. Without that one-on-one time to catch up, have fun, and express love, the romance in a relationship can fade rapidly.
2. Making your career your top priority.
Life can be crazy and we can easily put things that matter to us on the back burner in an effort to pursue something else that seems pressing. Being passionate about your career is great, but when your career becomes far more important than anything else in your life, including your marriage, problems can arise. When you commit to spending your life with another person, they need to always be a priority.
3. Ignoring financial stress.
Financial stress is probably one of the biggest issues that married couples face, and probably one of the most challenging issues to discuss openly. When a couple faces financial stress, but cannot bring themselves to discuss it, it becomes a silent killer, destroying the marriage bit by bit. Work through your financial differences to eliminate the tension and rekindle the intimacy you once had.
4. Letting your kids control your marriage.
We all love our kids, but that doesn’t mean that once we have them, our partner doesn’t matter all that much. When you have children, you have to make an effort to spend time alone and maintain the romantic aspect of your marriage. If you don’t make that effort, you just end up dedicating every single ounce of energy to your children, leaving nothing for your marriage. Making your marriage a priority is not just great for your marriage, but it’s great for your kids too.
5. Keeping your feelings bottled up.
If you have something you need to discuss with your spouse, you have to find the time to get it off of your chest. If you don’t, that tension lingers and it makes it difficult for you to really feel and convey love and affection in the way your partner needs. You may think they should know what’s going on, but maybe they don’t. Your responsibility is to communicate your feelings effectively. Once you do that, you can lighten the load you are carrying while improving your marriage.
6. Holding on to resentment.
Let it go. Resentment serves no one and you can’t find yourself in a happy place if you have resentment towards the person you decided to spend your life with. If you learn how to forgive yourself and others, you are free to move on with your life and feel joy in a way that you once did.
7. Giving up on sexiness.
Just because you are married, it doesn’t mean you can just let yourself go. Maybe you can’t think about being sexy every day, but you have to make an effort to make sexiness a priority sometimes. A sexless marriage without any passion is a marriage in need of a tune up. Get your sexy back and you’ll get that loving feeling back, too.