Out of all the men in the world, I am glad I have the one I have. Sure, we have our differences, and I am certain we can get on each other’s last nerve, but when all is said and done, we bring out the best in one another. What we have works. I am grateful for that.
But let’s talk a little bit more about the times when we get on each other’s last nerve. When my husband drives me nuts, it’s often because he either didn’t do something I expected him to do, or did something I didn’t expect (or want) him to do. And although I firmly believe my annoyance is usually justified, I can admit that sometimes it’s not. Sometimes I am getting annoyed with this man because he failed to meet needs that I should really be meeting myself.
When you get married one of the most important conversations that needs to happen is one about expectations. To be honest, you should probably have that conversation before you get married, and revisit it often since expectations can shift with time and life experiences. The conversation about expectations lets each person know what the other one wants and expects, and it also gives each person a great chance to voice concerns about any of the expectations that come up.
One of the beautiful things about marriage is that we have a partner in life, who is often able to meet many of our needs. It truly is a blessing. But we also have to be careful about setting unreasonable expectations. There are some needs we have that our spouses just can’t meet, and frankly, they shouldn’t have to.
Here are 5 needs your spouse probably can’t meet:
1. Emotional Peace.
When it comes to emotional peace, we often find it by working through any baggage we may have. Life can dish out a lot, and when we don’t work through our “stuff” the baggage begins to build. The thing is, no matter how much your spouse loves you, working through that “stuff” and finding the peace you deserve is something you have to do on your own. You spouse can offer support, but you have to do the work.
Shouldn’t your spouse make you feel happy? Of course they should. However, the happiness you feel from being with your mate should just be the icing on the cake. The person you marry cannot be your source of happiness. The process of finding happiness in life is something we have to figure out on our own. Expecting someone else to supply your happiness is a dangerous move.
There certainly should be a spiritual connection with your partner, but only God can meet the spiritual needs you have within. If you feel empty or lost, and you are seeking a deeper connection to help you find solid ground, turn to the Source. That’s where you will find what you need to build yourself, and ultimately build a great marriage
4. Interpersonal Connection.
Date nights and other forms of quality time with your spouse are incredibly important. But I think it needs to be said that your spouse should not be the only person you chill with. Even if you married your best friend, you still need other meaningful friendships in your life. Your friends can meet different needs, and spending quality time with them can leave you feeling rejuvenated and ready to spend some exciting QT with the friend you married.
5. Feeling fulfilled.
If you feel like something is missing, don’t automatically turn to your spouse to fill that void. Are you happy with your career? Is there a dream you want to pursue? Is there room to work on your parenting skills? Are you spending enough time with friends and people in your desired profession? Are you involved at church? Yes, a marriage should be very fulfilling, but it cannot be your only source of fulfillment. Find out what’s really missing from your life, and start filling any voids you have with things that add meaning to your life.