The heartache and emotional trauma seem unbearable at first, but eventually you come out of your fog of grief, anger, and possibly confusion, and ask the question—Why?
You’ll likely tell yourself that you don’t understand why he left, but in reality … most women know deep down when their relationship isn’t quite right.
Part of your healing requires brutal self-honesty: What part did YOU play in the demise of the relationship?
Sometimes, it occurred in the very beginning—with a compromise you made when choosing him.
Uncomfortable as it feels, many women must face up to the poor choice they made in a life partner influened by their own emotional neediness or ticking biological clock.
Deep down, you knew he wasn’t the best person to spend the rest of your life with, but you were unwilling to risk saying “no” to him and possibly winding up alone or childless.
Consequently, you focused on your children, but neglected the marriage relationship itself because it never quite feel right. So, now you have children (and that’s a great blessing), but you are also raising them alone.
So … why did your husband leave?
When a man senses the woman he’s married to is not in love with him, he’ll do one of three things:
Drown himself in work or hobbies so that he’s sufficiently rewarded in other areas of life
Have an affair with someone who meets his emotional needs
If he chooses one or two, the day may come when you can no longer stand being in an inauthentic marriage, and you might leave.
But if HE leaves, it’s usually because his affair turned into something viable (or so he thinks).
Bottom line: men leave when they have something “good” to go to.
The lesson for us women? Never, ever, compromise your choice of mate, no matter the extraneous pressures.
The priority line-up is clear:
spiritual/self care, first
healthy relationship, second
If you are great at self-care, you learn to support yourself financially so that you never end up trapped in a bad relationship for survival.
If you are great at self-care, you are also far more likely to attract someone who respects and cares for you; you simply won’t feel attracted to emotionally unavailable “bad boys”.
As a result, you find your way into a loving relationship and from there you start a family once the rest lines up.
In a good, healthy relationship, both people want the relationship AND are highly motivated to invest in keeping their bond alive.
It’s easy to affair-proof your marriage when you both want to stay married to each other.