Congratulations. You finally did it. You deserve a f*cking medal.
It wasn’t easy. In fact, it might have been one of the hardest things you’ve ever done.
Having the courage to let go of “that” toxic person is not easy. A relationship that, in your mind, was meant to be so much more, finally ended.
This person had a power over you — emotionally, physically, or both — for so long. You might have dated him or her on the side or been together for eight years. Sometimes, the length of time isn’t even a factor.
Let me define “that” person: It’s who you always had in the back of your mind when you were out with friends; you wondered if he or she would ever send a text to meet up after.
You two might occasionally hook up, but never go to dinner. He or she may have made you feel “crazy” at times for wanting to spend more time together, but on his or her terms. Whatever the situation, it went on for too. damn. long.
At this point, I can feel you rolling your eyes, thinking, “Why would anybody waste their time on some person who doesn’t give a damn?” You may even call us weak. And, you’re absolutely right.
I did feel weak and pathetic, but that feeling is long gone.
More often than not, the relationships from which we learn the most are the ones that fail. If nothing else, take the lessons and move on, entirely for yourself. Now that the chains (emotional) are finally broken, how do you feel?
Maybe you had that “a ha!” moment, when you decided you’re worth more than 10 of “that” person put together.
For me, it was as if I woke up one day and finally pulled my head out of my ass; what happened after that was a glorious thing.
The positives sh*t on the negatives. You thought you’d be stuck in this torture until another person came along, right?
Well, you’re better than that.
You Hold The Power
For whatever reason, we let this person get under our skin and linger in our thoughts.
We blame it on the relationship feeling “unfinished,” almost like there’s a tiny glimpse of hope the person could suddenly wake up one day and want to be with us. This hope could go on for days, months or even years.
We make excuses for them like, “S/he’s just focusing on her/his career right now,” “S/he just needs to get her/his ducks in a row,” or my personal favorite, “S/he doesn’t have time to date.”
Whatever we tell ourselves during this time is a complete lie. But, yet, we refuse to believe the truth.
You finally grasp hold of the radical concept that people make time for the things that are important to them. It’s strangely simple, but strangely hard to keep in mind.
After letting go of this person, the excuses fade. Now, the explanation becomes “I’m worth more.”
If you’ve never had to struggle with letting go, you’re lucky. I envy you. If you have, you know this situation all too well.
For the first time in a long time, it’s a truly liberating feeling.
Let Freedom Ring
Ending this toxic relationship lets you focus on you. Before, you might have been focused on you, but not 100 percent.
The “What if I start to date and then ‘that’ person wants me back?” thought might cross your mind. Our minds can play terrible tricks on us.
Deleting his or her number, deleting the last photo you took together or refusing to message back can be the first step to ending the self-inflicted madness. It takes 30 days to break any habit, right? When it comes to our heart, I believe that to be completely wrong.
The more time that passes, the lonelier you may feel and the more you may want to reach out to “that” person while out one night, drunk on tequila. Don’t mess up the progress you’ve made.
Like almost every drunken hookup, you’ll regret it in the morning.
Hey, You! Remember You?
For the first time in a long time, you are on your own with no one to send memes to or contact for an occasional hookup.
Scary? Yes. Worst thing in the world? No.
I constantly rolled my eyes when friends and parents would say, “Do things for yourself!” and, “If you aren’t happy with yourself, someone else won’t fill that void.” I rolled my eyes a lot.
I believed it was the cookie-cutter bullsh*t you hear from your friends because you’re single and they aren’t. How could someone who’s in a relationship even begin to understand your side?
One day, we finally get it: Why do we tend not to put ourselves first?
You are the most important person in your life, so start treating yourself like it, you sexy single. Constant self-hate and a miserable, “f*ck it” attitude takes a toll on you, mentally and physically.
If you don’t want to be around yourself, why should anyone else?
No Pain, No Gain
Yes, pain blows. Nobody likes to feel hurt or be treated poorly. Frankly, I brought a lot of pain upon myself.
I would text back; I would drop my schedule for him; I would make excuses. I could have (and should have) cut the cord a long time ago. And, by a long time, I mean months.
Why do we keep putting ourselves in those situations? Why would be settle for anything less than we deserve?
Like almost all the quotes on Pinterest, a handful of people claim, “We must see the darkness to appreciate the light.” It’s extremely cheesy, I know, but there is some meaning behind it and other quotes at which we may roll our eyes (guilty).
Once you start to look at all of this as a learning experience, things will change for the better.
The mind is a scary, powerful tool. Sprinkling in a little confidence and positivity after this experience will work wonders on the mind and body.
Hell, we’ve gone through the worst, and now, we won’t compromise who we are and how far we’ve come for “that” person who comes along in the future. We know better.