Cheating: The word that makes the world gasp in disgust. Normally, this word is associated with men or women who have made some questionable romantic choices, but never is it associated with spending too much time with your children.
Now, perhaps you’re thinking, “I’m a mom! What do you think I’m supposed to do? Ditch my kids? I have a house to run — millions of things to do to keep everything going. I’m doing everything that makes me a good mom!”
First, hats off to you for having such an honorable title (Mom). Second, ask yourself right now, “How much time do I spend with my kids every day?” Then, ask yourself, “How much time do I spend with my husband?” And, when you are with your husband, what do you most often talk about?
If you and your husband have become more like roommates than spouses because your lives revolve around your kiddos, then yes. You need to know that you are cheating on your marriage. On your husband. With your kids.
And now is the time to fix it.
A dear friend once told me, “When you have children, you must set aside time for your husband. It’s natural for a mother to spend all her time being with and thinking about her children. But your husband wants to be with you. Not ‘the mom’ you who fusses about the children and the house. He wants, he needs, to spend time with the person he took out on dates, chased around and asked to marry.”
Goodness, what a ton of bricks dropped in my mind afterward! I suddenly heard my own mother’s voice in my head on the day I announced my engagement. “Know that he’s the one for you. Know that he’s the one you will always want to spend time with — and the other way around. It’s far better to be single your entire life than to experience the great pain and sorrow of being married and feeling alone. That pain is so deep and dark that no one should know it.”
Imagine your husband coming home to a wife who spends all her physical and mental energy on the children — to the point where there is no more, “How’s your day? Fancy a movie? Had the strangest dream the other night!” How would that affect your husband?
Motherhood has many demands, but wives mustn’t forget that they have husbands whom they are going to spend the rest of their lives with. Your children will grow up and move out, leaving just you and your husband in your home. How awkward you’ll be around each other if you don’t make time for each other outside of your children!
So, how do you get that “alone time” with your husband when there seems to be no time or money? My grandparents used to take walks around the yard after the kids were in bed, holding hands (that was a requirement). They’d talk only about each other, something that was hard for my grandmother to do, seeing as she was a stay-at-home mother of six. But it wasn’t until she finally learned to do this that she felt closer to my grandfather.
Think about the simple things you can do to make time for your husband. Watch a movie, read a book together, take a drive. Goodness, my husband and I literally have “pillow talk” because we’ve found that the only time we have to focus on each other is when we are about to fall asleep. Silly as it sounds, it means the world to my husband. I didn’t even know how much it meant to him until I got back from spending a holiday with my sister. As I told him goodnight, he told me how much he missed talking to me before sleep.
With all the tedious, stressful and, of course, joyful moments children bring to our lives, we mustn’t forget that we are also responsible for the well-being of our husbands. Just as we expect our husbands to take care of our feelings, we must take care of theirs. Stop cheating on your husband with your kids, and get back to being that woman that drove him crazy when you were dating. It’s not easy at first, but you’ll get the hang of it.
I will think of it