Call me old-fashioned, but I think it’s time we put the “date” back in dating!
Dating is more complicated these days because singles have replaced talking with texting, going out with hanging out, and romance with rushing to hook up.
So I’m asking the men: Please step up and lead the way. Now I know the sisters have some work to do to be better dates, and don’t worry, I have some tips to give them in the next article. But fellas, the sisters have been telling me how you’ve been acting on dates. It’s some crazy, jaw-dropping stuff! We can do better.
Let’s start at the beginning and move through the different stages of courtship.
Make a good first impression.
If you’re using online dating to meet women, please know that every sister on these sites isn’t there to hook up! And please, don’t say you’re looking for a serious relationship when you’re not. The sisters don’t appreciate you wasting their time.
They also don’t want to see photos of you in your sweaty gym clothes or with your arm around another sister, standing on the altar at church! Who is that woman? The sister can’t tell if she’s your ex-girlfriend or the pastor’s wife!
You’re on a dating site, so please put your best foot forward. The sisters are thinking about what a date with you would be like and you in that all-purple suit you wore on Easter ain’t cutting it!
Take some professional photos, hire an image consultant who can make sure your swag is on point and use casual selfies of you in your bathroom sparingly. You’ve only got a few seconds to impress a lady online. Don’t waste them.
Be present on a date
Now that you’ve gotten her attention, ask her out on a date. Don’t text her and say, “You want to hang out?” Pick up the phone and make the call. She’ll be so impressed because most men don’t do that anymore.
Once you’re on the date, put away your smartphone please. I’ve heard stories from sisters that some guys check their text messages all night and then brag about it with lines like, “Yeah, you know, these women be blowing up my phone!” She’s not impressed by the fact that your iPhone is filled with women’s phone numbers. It doesn’t make her want you more. It’s a turn off.
Instead of checking social media, focus on your date.
Give her eye contact, smile, and show her you’re interested in her. Remember, the way to woman’s heart is through her ears. Compliment her and show her a good time.
I’m appalled at the number of stories I’ve been hearing about men who are rushing to get women in the bed. Some wait until date number three and tell the woman, “Isn’t that why everyone is online? To hook up!” Others just come right out and ask for what they want on the first date.
I don’t advocate sex before marriage anyway, but really ya’ll? What happened to romance? Holding hands? Talking all night on the phone until one of you falls asleep? Going for ice cream dates or giving her flowers when you meet her for dinner. Romance is not old-fashioned! Please pay attention to a woman’s heart and stop putting all the focus on her body. The sisters are feeling used. Let her know, guys, that Black women matter by treating her with respect and honor!
Instead of disappearing on a woman after you told her you’d call, or vanishing into thin air after you’ve been seeing each other for a few months, never to return her text messages again, please just be honest. If you don’t want to see her again, just say it. It goes something like this: “Things aren’t working out. I think you’re great, but it’s just not a match. I think we should part ways.”
You leave the sisters hurt and confused when you just disappear, and I know that you are a better man than that.
Listen, brothers. I know that you’re tired of the games women have played in relationships and you’ve been burned by bad dates too. You’re expected to pay for all of the dates and if they don’t result in anything worthwhile, you can feel like it’s not worth it to be a gentleman.
But I’m begging you, please bring back the date into dating.
The women are losing their faith in you. They don’t think there are men out there who are serious about relationships. Prove them wrong! And besides, there’s another generation watching you. We need you to be leaders and leave a great legacy for young men to follow.