Rock It OUT: 5 Reasons Musicians Make The Best Husbands


Rockstars have sex appeal. It’s why — even though Amy Winehouse looked like an already-burned witch, and Ozzy Osbourne like a nightmare creature she summoned from beyond the grave — their milkshake undoubtedly brings many suitors to the proverbial yard.

Star-power aside, all musicians have honed a particular set of skills that make them particularly adept at “sheet music.” Here’s why his Major D will help you hit a high note:

1. We’ve got rhythm.

There are a near-infinite number of things your partner can do with you between the sheets that feel fantastic (especially anything that would make a Mormon uncomfortable to hear about). But eventually, they need to settle into a consistent rhythm if you’re going to reach the finish line and have a “romance explosion.”

Lucky for you, when you’re getting lucky, this is the number one trait any musician is likely to possess. Anyone who can play to a click-track can maintain the rhythm required in those final moments of Nirvana.

EXCEPTION: Metalheads. Experimental 7/4 time signatures help NO ONE.

2. We’re good with our hands (and fingers).

Let’s face it: your ladybits are not more complicated than the entirety of “Moonlight Sonata.” If he can hit every note in the “Freebird” solo, he can hit your favorite spot. There’s a reason why playing notes on a guitar is technically referred to as “fingering.”

EXCEPTION: Lead singers. Although the shape and nature of his relationship with a microphone might suggest prowess, he plays for the other team. Sorry, ladies.

3. We’re confident.

Performing in front of an audience is markedly more daunting than performing in the bedroom. Anyone who has conquered stage fright is unlikely to have performance anxiety in front of an audience of one. It’s not just his nerves that are “of steel.”

Plus, you get all the benefits and attractiveness of a mysterious and brooding artist with none of the teenage angst and emo-eyeliner downsides.

EXCEPTION: Actual members of My Chemical Romance.

4. We have stamina.

He just carried hundreds of pounds of equipment to his 8th floor walkup after a 4-hour session … and that was only practice.

EXCEPTION: Dudes in punk bands. When their longest song is 90-seconds long, you have to question their staying power.

5. We’re team players.

Music is a lot like the bedroom, in that acting selfishly is seldom rewarded. Writing or performing music of any kind heavily relies on keeping everyone involved satisfied.

And if he spent thousands of hours of training to master his instrument, he’ll be more than willing to spend the time required to master yours.

EXCEPTION: Solo artists. At least we know they’re skilled at taking care of themselves.