15 Ways Your Low Self-Esteem Is DESTROYING Your Relationship

Fighting couple

When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s easy for your self-esteem to suffer. After all, it’s probably been some time since you’ve gotten all gussied up for the sake of attracting the opposite sex. But did you know that low self-esteem can actually harm your relationship? Fortunately, the converse is true as well; self-confidence can enable your relationship to thrive. We asked our experts to weigh in on the role of self-esteem in making long-term love last, and here’s what they had to say:

1. Low self-confidence is limiting. If your self-confidence is too low, you will be unable to ask for what you want or set limits on what you don’t want. —Dr. Shirley McNeal

2. Self-confidence is empowering. Becoming self-confident allows you to be assertive, ask for what you want and set limits on what you don’t want. That includes asking for a commitment if that’s what you’re after! —Dr. Shirley McNeal

3. Low self-esteem is stressful. When your self-esteem is not high enough, you’ll be too anxious to please and you’ll hide your own thoughts and feelings to avoid disagreements. Your partner may not know who you really are, and, as a result, you’ll be unable to resolve interpersonal conflicts. —Dr. Shirley McNeal

4. Self-esteem is self-expression. With a healthy self-esteem you can express your own thoughts and feelings, and feel free to reveal who you really are. You will be able to tolerate differences, and agree to disagree. —Dr. Shirley McNeal

5. Low self-esteem is self-destructive. Without self-esteem, you will lack the belief that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You will tolerate hurtful behavior from others too often and for too long. —Dr. Shirley McNeal

6. Self-esteem is self-respect. With self-esteem comes self-respect, where you feel you deserve to be treated respectfully and considerately. You will then find it easier to treat others with respect as well! —Dr. Shirley McNeal

7. Low self-confidence is unattractive. With low self-confidence you might be projecting neediness and desperation. That is certainly not attractive or sexy! —Dr. Shirley McNeal

8. Self-confidence is attractive. When you project self-confidence you are attractive and sexy! Your partner finds you all the more alluring and may want to make a definite commitment realizing how attractive you are to others as well. —Dr. Shirley McNeal

9. Low self-esteem involves fear. Without enough self-esteem, you will be afraid to trust or show your vulnerability. Too much self-protectiveness limits the extent and depth of intimacy you can have with your partner. —Dr. Shirley McNeal

10. Self-esteem includes self acceptance. With a healthy self-esteem, you can accept both your strengths and your weaknesses. You can feel all right about being less than perfect and unafraid to show vulnerability. That kind of authenticity can deepen your intimate connection with your partner. —Dr. Shirley McNeal

11. You feel whatever you focus on. If you focus on what an amazing, sexy goddess you are, that’s exactly how you’ll feel. The opposite of that is true as well. If you need a little shot of confidence and self-esteem, just close your eyes and remember a time you felt sexy and confident, and allow yourself to remember and feel all the details of that time. -Nancy Philpott

12. Your beliefs determine your confident, sexy state. What story have you been telling yourself about why you are or are not feeling sexy or confident? What would you have to believe in order to tell yourself those things? What would happen if you began telling yourself the truth? What will it cost you if you don’t stop lying to yourself? -Nancy Philpott

13. Low confidence results in misunderstandings. It’s important in any relationship to be able to express what you need. Maybe it’s a desire to cuddle after sex or to have some alone time at the end of the day to decompress. If you don’t share those needs because you’re afraid of your partner’s response, you’ll become increasingly frustrated and he’ll just feel hurt or confused. Work on loving yourself enough so you can make those requests and deepen your connection. -Deborah Roth

14. More confidence means less drama. Have you ever heard a guy complain about his girl being too “low maintenance?” Chances are, it’s just the opposite! When you feel secure about who you are and what you have to offer, your man doesn’t have to walk on eggshells and your relationship becomes a drama-free zone. -Deborah Roth

15. More confidence equals more fun! The better you feel about yourself, the less you’ll worry about what others think of you. You can relax and enjoy yourself and that kind of authenticity and lightness of spirit is irresistible. Let it shine through in silly, mid-day texts to your guy, surprise weekend plans and playful antics in the bedroom! -Deborah Roth


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