There’s a huge difference between having needs and being needy.
Society has sent women the message that having needs makes us “too much” for men. We’ve been told that wanting more time with a man or needing his affection makes us clingy and neurotic. This isn’t true.
Just because we crave a human connection doesn’t mean that we’re going to drown a man in all of our needs. But here’s how to tell that you’re being way too needy.
1. You ask him things the wrong way.
Men actually love providing. They love to hear our needs and supply them. It’s just a question of how you ask and how he feels about you. If you’re asking the wrong way, he will feel annoyed. If he doesn’t love you and you let him treat you badly, then he will be annoyed with all your needs. Doormats don’t have needs — women do.
2. You aren’t clear about your needs.
There’s nothing wrong with needing love, touches, tender words, more together time, and a commitment. You just have to be clear about what you needs are and not reward him if he doesn’t provide. What do I mean by not rewarding him? You shouldn’t, for example, tell him you miss him and then not hear from him, only to start sending him loving texts when you panic two days later because he hasn’t called.
Those texts are a reward for bad behavior. They send him the message, “Treat me poorly. I respond more lovingly when you do.” A man doesn’t want to be with a woman who comes closer with poor treatment. If he doesn’t provide, you can’t go to him for reassurance.
3. You don’t give him time to realize his mistakes.
Doing this will only give him the power and make him think it’s OK to treat you like a doormat. You have to let him come to you and make good on his mistake, even if it’s really tough to “sit on your hands” and wait for him.
4. You let your fear stop you from communicating what you want.
This gives her a disharmonious vibe that’s unattractive. She says, “I’m fine,” but her actions and body language say, “I’m scared and hurt.” It’s confusing for a man. It makes her seem like she’s constantly dissatisfied in the relationship and that his actions are never enough for her to be truly happy.
5. You don’t respect his needs.
Not being clear and firm about your needs also stops you from respecting his. For example, a “needy” woman who’s afraid to be clear about her needs may hold everything inside and act overly chipper and nice, inviting the man out places and offering to help him with things even though he’s stated or implied that he wants space. This feels weird to him and can even appear psychotic.
6. You don’t stick to your personal boundaries.
In a relationship, when asking to get your needs met, you must stick to your boundaries. For example, you don’t tell a man you need sexual exclusivity and then sleep with him anyway. You must love yourself enough to actually take care of your real needs, like sexual exclusivity and male respect.
7. You confuse neediness with needing things.
You want him to know that you aren’t a doormat and that you have serious needs in a relationship that must be met. He will find this very attractive if you state your needs without seeming like a demanding, huffy diva or a weakling who’s afraid to speak up.
If he can see that you’re a sweet, fun, smart and sexy woman who’s on a path to commitment and will settle for little else, he will treat you like a goddess and never call you needy. It’s that simple.