Yet opposites attract, but only for so long. Many of us believe couples who are dissimilar are more likely to have a better marriage than those who are alike. I would beg to differ on this. The more diverse a couple’s wants, expectations and views are, the more likely they are to always irritate each other and argue constantly (studies even back this).
After being with my spouse for 16 years, it has taught me that certain differences can complement one another while other differences can be like cancer in a marriage. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but below are some guidelines to consider. Below are nine types of married couples who may be at risk of stopping short of happily ever after unless they correct their course.
1. The emotionally unbalanced marriage
In this kind of marriage, one couple is more emotionally invested than the other. The one who does more of the loving and the work to keep the marriage going is usually unhappy at the end of the day. Health marriages need mutual participation.
If the burden of reconciling every misunderstanding, arranging for dates, etc., depends on just one person most of the time, that’s a sure sign of trouble.
2. The idealistic marriage
In this marriage, the couple entered into it with a list of what their ideal partner should be like, act like and look like. These couples are not willing to compromise some of their fantasies about marriage for reality. And as such, they are always dissatisfied when the other person fails to meet their expectations on certain issues. If this seems like your marriage, then it’s time to sit down with a counselor to discuss real expectations.
3. The over-indulgent marriage
Here the couples have thrown out all their expectations on what they desire from their partners and are too indulgent of them. To satisfy their mates, they permit, forgive and overlook actions they don’t agree with. Eventually the indulging partner begins to feel short-changed and unhappy.
For example, if the partner who believes in monogamy allows the partner who other doesn’t believe in monogamy to have a “hall pass,” the monogamist partner can only suppress his/her true feelings for so long.
4. The vengeful marriage
In this situation, the couples who are hurt don’t just get mad, they get EVEN. These couples do not believe in just simply settling a misunderstanding or wrong.
For example, if one cheated on the other, they only to make amends for the act would be to allow the other to cheat as a revenge. “You damaged my car, I’m going to damage yours. You said demeaning things to me, I am going to make you feel equally worthless.”
If couples aren’t focused on true forgiveness, this cycle of hurt-me-and-I’ll-hurt-you-back will only continue to the steps of divorce court.
5. The purely physical marriage
In this marriage, all the couples care about is their sex lives. They have a crazy chemistry in bed but nothing else. Basically after the sex, their conversations are as dry as the desert.
Couples who don’t have common interests in each other may find their interests outside the marriage. These couples should seek constant opportunities to develop a deeper bond outside of the physical relationship.
6. The selfish marriage
This is often with one party in the marriage, who is so ridiculously self-absorbed that the other begins to feel emotionally neglected. They make everything about them to the point where they do not know how to be empathic with the needs, emotions and desires of the other person.
7. The enormous age disparity marriage
Sometimes when the couples are from two very different generations, it is really hard to find a middle ground and a similar interest. What one party considers serious and non-negotiable, the other sees as pretty irrelevant.
Not to mention the difference in age usually opens to door to a list of insecurities on both sides of the age gap.
8. The dramatic marriage
They are always fighting, breaking up, making up and wearing out their friends and family members. It continues like this until they eventually redefine their relationship to one another as enemies as opposed to spouses.
9. The financially unmanageable marriage
In this one, the couples do not make time to talk about their finances before they make life-long decisions. For a marriage to work out, the couple must sit down and discuss how finances are to be distributed to cover bills, what to save, if one has to be a stay-at-home parent, etc..
These nine marriages may be faced with tough times ahead, but there can be a future for these unions. Couples must identify their potential hurdles and work on them consistently and equally to safeguard their futures together.