You can’t get close to her inside of the bedroom because you aren’t close to her outside of it! Uh oh, did I just say that? Why yes I did! Fellas, I know some of you are out there right now wondering why your woman always seems to be running away from you, when you are trying to be intimate or have sex with her.
You go left, she goes right; you try to touch her, she turns away; you tap her on the shoulder and she ignores you. You get frustrated because you feel like she is avoiding you and then the cycle of passive aggressiveness continues. Well, fellas here are some things that sometimes we’ve told ourselves about ourselves that may be leaving our wives not feeling close to us.
1) I’m Just Not An Affectionate Person
Okay fellas I get it…society told you that showing affection wasn’t a trait needed in a “man’s man.” I also know that for many of us, if we didn’t grow up in a home where you hugged, kissed, or said, “I love you” a lot, then it’s hard for us to do those things with our women. How do I know it’s hard? I know because I was that guy. I just told myself that “I’m not an affectionate person,” thus I found myself pushing away her affection. I would push away her advances not because I didn’t want them, but more so because I didn’t know how to receive them.
The only affection I knew was the type that would lead to sex, until I realized that the affection I showed without sex as the end game, was way more powerful. I had to make a CHOICE to be connected. That meant instead of saying I am not affectionate, I had to make sure I kissed her more often, held her hand more often, hugged her ‘just because’ more often, and even get sappy and say I love you more often.
No, those things didn’t come naturally for me, but what’s funny is that just like everything else in life, if we practice it enough we are bound to get better at it. Some of us as husbands need to stop saying what we aren’t and start being what we didn’t think we were.
2) I Just Don’t Like To Talk
Fellas just in case you haven’t noticed women like to talk and they like to be heard! A woman being heard is just like you wanting to be respected. You can tell yourself all day that you don’t like to talk, but when you get around your boys and you start talking about sports or cars or your “hay day”, you can run your mouth all day long! Just because you might not be interested in what she has to say, doesn’t mean you don’t need to engage in some dialogue with her about it.
Don’t keep putting her off and making her feel unheard and then expecting her to want to hear you when you come trying to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. I’m not saying that you have to become an expert at women topics of discussions (I’m not sexist…but ya’ll know what I mean!), but I am saying you need to become interested in WIFE topics of discussion (see what I did there)!
Oh and fellas none of that, “I’m listening” while still doing 3 other things type of listening either. Yeah I know how you do because I’ve been there, done that, and still try to do it sometimes until I catch myself, stop and really listen. She will appreciate your undivided attention and genuine interest more than you know.
3) I’m Too Busy
Fellas I work a job where I manage 10 employees and I run a business as well. I know that time is of the essence and I know what it means to feel like there just aren’t enough hours in a day. The question you have to ask yourself, is why does my WIFE seem to get the scrap hours while everything else in my life seems to get my quality hours?
The old adage is real in that people make time for what they want to make time for and there isn’t any way around it. Stop telling yourself you don’t have time and it will be amazing how much time you start to find.
Guys, the point of this blog isn’t to beat you up but it’s to make you more conscious. The things I listed, I know all too well because I’ve lived it and I am still trying to get better at them. The bottom line though is that if we change the expectations of ourselves, we can change our behavior and ultimately get an outcome that works better for our lives and our relationships. Let’s make it a point to love her better and stay connected!