From time immemorial, the trusted Nigerian retort has always being ‘there’s rice at home’. It’s not a retort many foreigners will understand but I will attempt to explain it.
Nigerians have a near spiritual relationship with Rice. It holds the exalted position as a celebratory meal; Sunday rice, party rice…you know where I’m going with this. Nigerians see you eating Jollof rice and start wondering what to congratulate you on; did your wife just put to bed, did you get a promotion?
Away from celebrations, many adults will remember going out with their parents and doing longthroat whenever one wanted a treat. It is the place of a Nigerian mother to remind you that you will not get the treat because there is rice at home.
Rice also has healing qualities and has mystical abilities to fix spoilt phones and electronics; put it in rice.
When our Coat of Arms is redesigned, a derica of rice and an ‘I-pass-my-neighbor’ generators will be included. Amen?
Alas! There’s now a threat to rice and by extension our collective existence. With rising inflation and at the rate the Naira is dancing ruggedly to Lagbaja’s ‘Konko below’, Rice have cost.
Reports reaching us indicate that a bag of rice is now N20,000.
It’s official folks, rice has finished at home. Please don’t be childish, soak Garri.
And if you find a bag of rice lying around idly, don’t be stupid please,