If you want him to like you, you need to work on getting him to open up, and to be more vulnerable with you, emotionally.
Here are a few helpful guidelines to help him do just that without scaring him away.
1. Let him know why you value your relationship.
Talking about your feelings (even your good ones) doesn’t come naturally to everyone. So set a precedent. Let him know in clear, simple language what you appreciate about your relationship.
2. Share your hopes for your relationship.
It’s tempting when you’re in a relationship that is going well to think about the long term.
Instead of peppering him with questions like “do you ever want to get married?” “to you want to have kids?” “where do you want to live?” share your hopes for your relationship.
3. Share your fears for your relationship.
When you are in a romantic relationship with someone who is having a hard time opening up emotionally, it can be hard to share what you’re afraid of.
Resist the urge, however tempting it might be, to keep your fears and insecurities bottled up for fear that he will not be able to handle them.
You can talk about problems in your relationship without it being the END of your relationship. If you’re as open about the bad stuff as you are about the good stuff, it will only serve to make him feel even safer.
4. Make him feel safe in your relationship.
Taking the steps listed above is a great way to build a foundation of safety in your relationship, but there’s more you can do to encourage him.
Safety in a relationship means knowing that every fight you have isn’t going to be the last conversation the two of you engage in.
Always share what’s troubling you because in not doing so you create a tense environment and tense does not a safe space make.
5. Let him know that the two of you are partners in this relationship.
A relationship is an agreement between two people (maybe more than two if you are polyamorous). It’s a balancing act and it’s a partnership that can be hard work. But when it works, it’s the best thing there is. Let him know from the beginning that you’re there to balance and support him, and that you, in turn, expect the same.