A blog reader whose fiancee is about to ‘kill’ him needs your help.
please read and advice accordingly.
“I want to end it all & send her packing
Good day all Nigerians. How are u all doing? I greet you all. As you help others with advice, suggestions and solutions to their issues, may God continue to bless you all.
I have an issue I need your advice, suggestions & contributions. Matured advice. No insults pls. But for those of you who would want to insult me, no problem, I would bear it. Thanks in advance.
We have been together for three years. I’ve known her for three years now. We dated for one year & she got pregnant. Immediately she got pregnant, she started living with me & we’ve been living together for two years now. She already had the baby, a boy who is now more than one year old.
We planned getting married since when dating but couldn’t do so due to a lot of reasons, including financial, and also on my side I became doubtful and I’m still doubtful of marrying her since after I discovered she doesn’t love me. I discovered this after she got pregnant & told me if not for the baby(pregnancy), she would not be with me. I was broke then & we had a serious problem then as we always have even up till now whenever I don’t have much money, so after spending all the money I had then with her to travel for something, when we came back, the following week she lost her granny and by then I was left with very little money with me. Note that we were still dating then and she hadn’t started staying with me.
It came suddenly so I didn’t have anywhere to get money so I told her I would pay for her transport and also mine as well, all for both of us to and fro and also give her 5k to hold as pocket money during the burial, after all she is working and can support. But on the day we were supposed to travel for the burial, she angrily left me in the bus stop and traveled and rejected the 5k saying it’s too small and threw the envelope back at me at the bus stop and entered bus and went for the burial.
But both myself and herself never knew she was already one month pregnant on that day. I went back to my house, she attended the burial, came back and started blaming me that I abandoned her when she needed me most and that why didn’t I attend the burial or call her brother to give me their family house address? I was completely shocked by her behavior. First we were supposed to go together but she snubbed me at the bus stop. Second I never knew their family house as at then. So how could I have gone there alone? I later learnt that during the burial, while her sisters came with their husbands/boyfriends, she was ashamed when her family requested hers and no man came with her. She already told them about me then but most of them hadn’t met me then.
After the burial when she came back, she fell sick, unknown to us she was pregnant. She had already stopped picking my calls but when I got to know she was ill, I requested to go see her but she told me never to come see her. First I never even knew where she lived then but only knew where she worked. She intentionally kept her house hidden from me despite all the efforts I made to know it because she was living with a friend according to her.
So she was admitted to hospital and since she didn’t want to see me, she didn’t come to work because of her illness, and so there was no way I could see her. I kept calling requesting she tells me the hospital but she refused (that was whenever she managed to pick). I kept my cool.
She now got to know she was pregnant while on the sick bed and knew the real cause of the illness. She never called to inform me she was pregnant. She now sent her friend to call me and the friend wanted to see me. She has many female friends she surrounds herself with, even up till now, 99.9% of them single & seriously searching with no husbands or any serious relationship. When I got to where we arranged to meet with her friend at the bearparlour, her friend blasted me with harsh words for abandoning my girlfriend during the burial of her granny. She said why didn’t I follow her as she left me and entered the bus? She said why didn’t I travel down to my girl’s town, then call her or her brother that I was in the bus stop and they would come pick me! That was the story my girlfriend fed them with. I was really shocked and I defended myself.
Long and short of it, it was there and then her friend told me my girlfriend was pregnant for me. That was how I knew for the first time. She then took me to their house where they lived and where incidentally my girl was being treated by an auxiliary nurse with drips since she had been discharged from hospital.
Sorry for the long tale, but I just want you to know the genesis of the whole thing. While there, my girl made a statement in our language which means: “Well I have accepted my fate”. I later got to know she had wanted to end the relationship but only invited me to know her place after she discovered she was pregnant. Meanwhile on my own part, I also thought of ending it all with her when she angrily embarrassed me at the bus stop because of money & traveled for the burial and because of her other behavior which I was not comfortable with.
Well we made up because of the unborn baby and continued our relationship. Although I still loved her then but I noticed she never loved me but still loved her ex who was rich and they dated for close to five years but she suddenly discovered both of them were AS genotype. But I’m AA. While we were dating there was a day we had a quarrel (our misunderstanding most times centered around money issues since I was not rich like her ex boyfriend) and she now made a statement and said:”If not for genotype…”, she didn’t complete the statement but I already knew she meant she would not have been with me if not for genotype incompatibility with her ex.
After she got pregnant, she moved in with me and I took care of every expenses till the baby was born and up till this moment I still cater for everything. I later traveled & met with her family, met her dad since her mum is late since she was a little girl. Due to the negative story she fed her dad about me and about my inability to attend the burial and about me not giving her money then, her dad already thought bad about me, but after I met him and subsequently, he discovered it was not my fault and that I was not that type of person who could do such because he knows the type of daughter he has and her stubborn nature.
Since then she’s been disturbing me about the marriage plans and it’s been my wish to take her to the alter, but as I said, a lot of things have prevented it, most especially finance, and also our frequent squabbles whenever I’m broke which happens temporarily at times. She doesn’t give me peace of mind at all whenever I have little or no money and she stresses me so much and nags a lot and in fact when she was pregnant, there was a time she told me in anger that why don’t I go and do money ritual. I was so shocked by this statement and told her I can never do rituals and if she’s not ready to endure with me, she can go her way.
She keeps saying that after suffering while single, why should she continue suffering in marriage? To her she’s already married. And by the way she’s not even suffering at all because I do my best to provide everything we need. But just because of the recession issues we feel occasionally and because I don’t have a car yet to measure up to her expectations and the type of lifestyle she aspires to, it becomes a problem because she’s not patient enough. Because she has lived big life with her ex who even had a driver/many staff under his employment. I’ve called her bluff several times and told her as long as she’s no longer with her ex, she must never talk about him to me.
I used to love her but she completely destroyed all the love I had for her with her behavior of constantly stressing me, constant nagging, no manner of approach at all, stubborn, talking anyhow, no self control whenever she’s angry. There were times she uttered curses to me but later denied doing so. She talks anyhow at home and after saying things she’s not supposed to say to me, she would sometimes deny saying them after realizing the gravity of her words. For her to apologize is a no no, she would most times never apologize to me for wrongs done. But I usually overlooked them.
If things are not too smooth financially for me, little or no sex for me. There was a time we never did it for SEVEN months.She always claimed she doesn’t like sex but someone told me it’s because she doesn’t love me that’s why she doesn’t usually like to have sex with me. We are not even sexually compatible at all because she doesn’t like it while I like it a lot. I’ve most times not enjoyed this relationship with her, I’ve only been enduring because of my baby because I don’t want the baby to suffer but I think it’s time to quit.
Nothing I do pleases her, no matter how I try, no matter how I hussle to provide for the home, no matter what I do, she will only pretend to appreciate it for a moment, after sometime she will condemn it and say I have done nothing. Last year December I rented another apartment, 2 bedroom nearer to where she works, because of the distance, so we relocated there, just to make her happy.
The main problem now is this. We live in a popular city in the south west. My mum lives in a popular city in the North Central. Just six days ago, the house where my mum lives, which I built for her more than ten years ago when I was more financially buoyant, the house was demolished by the government alongside many other houses in the whole area and as I’m writing this,my aged mother of over 65 years alongside the little nine years old boy living with her are currently outside in the rain in this harsh weather and rain. Many of our properties have been stolen by area boys and miscreants because the demolition took them unawares.
The value of the land and house alone which we lost due to the demolition is over FIVE MILLION NAIRA not to talk of other properties lost in the ensuing confusion. That house demolished is my only hope before it was demolished and my mum’s only hope too. My mum has been sick for the past nine years or more and has been in and out of hospital constantly. I’m her only son, she just had two of us, myself and my elder sister and my elder sister is not in any position to assist since she’s not working/still squatting with someone. So everything falls on me now. No help from anywhere, no family can help, and they’ve never helped before.
I can’t allow my mum out in the cold & rain while I live in a two bedroom apartment and having a room all to myself, no way. So I told my woman everything that happened & I decided that I would bring my aged mother to the south west to live with us temporarily till I’m able to raise money to rent another place for her or probably get a bigger apartment where we can all live (if possible). Pls note that the house was demolished six days ago and as I write this, my aged mother and that our little nine years old boy are still outside in the rain & sun.
But I got the shock of my life when my woman whom I call my wife even though we’re not officially married said she would never allow me bring my mum to live with us. She said it’s over her dead body would she live with my mum because mother-in-laws can destroy marriages. I don’t know what marriage she’s trying to protect even when she never makes me happy but I still keep enduring her behavior. She said that she can’t live with my mum because my mum is wicked. I was shocked. Mind you she has never met my mum before up till this moment as I write this! She only spoke to my mum on phone once. So how can you conclude someone
you’ve never met is wicked?
I want all Nigerians to judge this matter before I do something terrible because I can never allow my mum to be outside in the rain with that little boy while a lady I’ve not even married lives comfortably in a two bedroom flat. I’ve told her I don’t have any money yet to rent a place for my mum because just last month I spent over 150k to buy things in the house including baby clothes, her own clothes and household items just to make life comfortable for her. But she would never appreciate it.
I told her it’s urgent and I need to first rehabilitate my mum before thinking of renting a place for her later but she told me to go rent a place for her and that she doesn’t want my mum to live with us. So I now know she hates my mum, so how can I marry someone who doesn’t love me and hates my mum? She hates my mother and says she’s wicked even without having met her before just because of the story she heard about my mum that she didn’t take care of me and my elder sister and I struggled for many years on my own, saw myself through school even when my juniors were already graduated & working. But does that concern my woman? Is she not still my mother no matter what? I just met her (my woman/wife) three years ago, so what concerns her about what happened in my family many years ago?
I never wanted to bring my mum to live with us in the first place but this is an emergency situation and I can’t help it and I’m now left with no other alternative and I want all Nigerians to tell me if I’ve done the wrong thing by wanting to bring my mum here to save her life because right now her life is in danger. In fact she even sustained injuries on her leg on that day as they were demolishing the house and in the midst of the confusion while trying to save some properties.
She has hated my mum right from when we were dating, even without having met my mum and I remember there was a time I called my mum and as we discussed about my girl then, my mum now asked me which part of the town (my girl’s town) she was from, so I told her I would ask my girl and get back to her. So I later asked my girl but instead of her to answer, she hissed and said: “foolish question”. I was really seriously mad with her then for such remark.
Yes I know she’s stubborn and I’ve seriously tried to tackle her behavior many times which is why she has even calmed down a bit since she knows I won’t tolerate it. Now she’s not even concerned about my mum’s condition and up till now she has not even called my mum to commiserate with her over the loss. She never even bothered about the fact that it’s my own money, my own millions of naira investment that just went down the drain with that demolition. She still insists she can’t allow my mum stay with us, despite I told her that I would give my own room to my mum,so she can’t inconvenience her in any way. The shocking thing is that instead of my woman to feel for me and also for my mum for this trying times for us, she rather told me point blank that it serves me right!
She said I abandoned her when her granny died, so it serves me right! I couldn’t believe it, it was as if I was dreaming. Nigerians I’m so downcast right now, I can’t believe my woman can be so heartless to this extent. Right now we’re hardly on talking terms. She just minds her baby and leaves me to wallow in my pain and loss, what a cruel world! Nobody to console me in this pain and loss?
I’ve told her instead of my mum to be outside suffering in the rain, let her (my woman) sleep outside in the rain since I now know she doesn’t love me. If she doesn’t accept my mum, I would rather send her packing back to her father and rehabilitate my mum first. This is a woman I’ve not even married yet giving orders and trying to separate me from my family, so what will happen if after I don marry am finish? Wetin she nogo do?
I’ve decided to go bring my mum next week or upper week because I can’t continue to let her suffer in the rain and with no roof over her head. It’s either she accepts her or I’ll send her back to her father.
Pls Nigerians let me know your advice and what you think. I wrote this with tears in my eyes. Sorry for taking so much of your time. Thanks in advance.”