One of the most unfortunate things that can happen to an expecting couple is a miscarriage. The worst part is that though there is often a strong underlying cause, it can also be spontaneous, without a clearly explainable reason. It is certainly very hard for the woman to cope with the loss, but it cannot be forgotten that it is an equally stressful time for the man as well. But in most cases the husband has to bury his pain as he is looked at for support and comfort by the wife.
If you have been through or are going through such silent suffering, be assured that there are ways to deal with it. Read on to know some effective ones.
Express your grief
Your partner and you have been excited about the pregnancy. There has been a lot of reading, deciding on baby names, checking out baby strollers, painting the spare room that has been going on for weeks. When all the excitement suddenly seizes to exist, it is evident that there will be a sense of loss. Most of the times, men get so busy tending to their wives’ emotional needs that they forget about their own emotions. It must be understood that there is no other way to cope but to grieve. Anger, denial, and feeling low and frustrated are normal. Give yourself some time to calm down, but make sure to express and vent out emotions. Piling up feelings inside can be emotionally very toxic.
Do not let guilt or regret take over
There might be days when your wife is going through extreme phases of depression. If you are experiencing the same emotions, do not feel guilty about it. You are not being selfish if your attention shifts to your own pain for a while. There would even be days when you would regret sharing the news of the pregnancy with your friends and family, and might wonder if you were a little “too excited”. But remember that it is normal to feel excited on the news of impending parenthood. You expressed your emotions very naturally then, so feel okay about expressing your emotions even now. Your loved ones will the firsts to comprehend your pain.
Do not blame anybody
Hard times can create turmoil in any relationship. Especially when the trauma is due to unexplained reasons, you can end up blaming yourself or your wife for the situation. “If only I were there…,” “If only you were careful enough…” and other such statements can become the common reason for increasing disruption in the household. You need to realise that what has happened has already happened, and you need to look forward to the next day if you wish to move any ahead. Talking to each other or at times being a quiet listener can soothe the negative thoughts.
Talk your heart out
Most men are known to keep their emotions to themselves. Unlike women, men do not call up friends to share if something is bothering them. But this time, try to call up your 2 a.m. friend and speak your heart out. It can be anyone- a brother or sister, a cousin, an uncle or anyone you feel comfortable talking to. The best choice would be expressing yourself to your wife. However, she might not be in a state of mind to listen and understand at this point of time.
Get busy as soon as possible
It is true that you must tend to your grief and give yourself time to get over the extreme pain. But this can set a vicious cycle of feeling low and sulking in the house. You can break this only by stepping out to carry out your routine activities. Start slowly and don’t over exert yourself. Getting back to work will take your attention off the pain. Interaction with your colleagues, planning the daily tasks and other such activities will distract you and eventually make you feel better than before.
Try for another child without any stress
People around you would suggest having another child to make things better. Although that is the best solution, you need to be careful when taking this decision. After deciding that you both are mentally completely ready, discuss with your doctor about the risks in another pregnancy or the special care to be taken. If you feel that you or your wife is still feeling depressed, take help of a counsellor. Being emotionally stable, calm and positive is extremely important for a healthy pregnancy. Having another baby will certainly brighten your world again.
A miscarriage is a stressful ride of ups and downs for any couple who goes through it. But being understanding towards yourself, as much as towards your partner, goes a long way to get things back to the normal.
http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com/article/lifestyle–health/relationships/how-you-can-handle-your-wife’s-miscarriage
