Dear Single Parent,
You’ve been thinking about dating for quite some time. And now that you’ve bungled things up by admitting this to a few close friends, who are happily paired with helpful, loving partners, they want to introduce you to a cute, promising individual. But you have a harsh, realistic grip on life; and the idea of dating sounds simply exhausting. Plus, you know that once you officially decide to play this dating game – again – it will be an entirely different, unfamiliar sport. It includes your child.
Your friends can’t fathom your resistance, nor do they fully understand the extent of your exhaustion. So, please, indulge for me a moment as I describe the life you know all too well, because this might enlighten your friends, and thwart any existing ideas they have about pushing their newly divorced/separated pal out to play, before you’ve had time to learn the rules.
1. Your child is #1.
Both you and that cute, promising individual have to make your child the number one priority. Yes, you need to take time for yourself, but your child’s needs are ALWAYS more important.
2. Do something fun and worth your time.
Remember that any time spent on yourself and away from your child is valuable. After a date, you don’t want to think, “I could’ve spent that hour with my child.” So make sure that when you go out, you do something you really, really want to do.
3. Give yourself a curfew.
You’re a parent! Always be sure that you’re setting the right example for your child. Don’t stay out all night long, and don’t make every date night a late night.
4. Don’t introduce every cute, promising individual you date to your child.
If you break this rule, not only will it shine negatively on you – should it get brought up – in family court, it will be extremely confusing for your child too. Keep your mind clear of hormones and emotions while considering any type of meeting between your child and someone you’re involved with. Wait until you have no doubt about it – the time is absolutely right.
Once you DO introduce your significant other to your child, plan dates that include your child as much as you can. (You should also let your ex know, if your ex is in the picture at all.)
5. Only date cute, promising individuals that respect you AS A PARENT.
If the cutie always seems to call you during hours that are known to be crazy (i.e. while y’all are getting ready for work and daycare), or during a time that has been clearly designated as parent-child time, this individual is no longer promising. And if he or she gets agitated every time you have to cancel plans due to some aspect of parenthood, this should be an obvious red flag for you as well.
6. Don’t lose yourself.
You know, and probably still feel the shattered effect of, what it feels like to be a single parent. Don’t forget who you are, because if this relationship doesn’t work out and you have to – once again – figure out how to go it alone, you’re still a parent. You’ll always be a parent.
Don’t linger somewhere between your pain from what’s happened in the past and the fear of what hasn’t even happened yet. This article also has some additional rules and advice for the lovely folks you decide to date. So, if you’re ready, release yourself to the breathtaking possibilities a new relationship can bring. Life is a constant, astonishing journey, and there is someone out there for all of us. Good luck!
Source: everydayfamily.com
