As shallow as it may seem, physical attraction is undeniably the most primal on our sensory palate. If we’re being up front here, we readily admit to the fact that a potential partner’s looks rank high on the list of deal breakers for the average person. Some people are blessed with those superior genes and there’s not a whole lot anyone can do about that.
That’s the top ten percent of us. Everyone else has to work with what they’ve got. Count me among those folks. I learned fairly early on that I wasn’t a winner in the looks lottery — which was fine. Why? Because it forced to me to become a more well-rounded personality in order to compete with the pretty boys and the jocks. And to my surprise, I was able to hold my own.
While you can’t force attraction, there are definitely some things you can do to cultivate it. Personality and conversation are dramatically under-appreciated tools in the toolkit of finding a mate. Not sure how to fine-tune your skills? Here are 7 tips to help you increase your odds of cooking up that nebulous thing called chemistry.
Be confident: Speak with simple, healthy and sexy confidence — not arrogance or self-centeredness. Nothing goes any further than a “hello” if you come off as scared or timid. Men and women alike are turned off by it. Don’t even give yourself time to think about what could go wrong or how the other person may react to you. Just be you. For the right person that’s good enough.
Make eye contact: Don’t stare through the other person like you’re in a hypnotic trance, but make sure eye contact is consistent. Show that you’re engaged and interested.
Encourage a balanced conversation: Now that you’ve got down how to present yourself, you need to figure out how you’re going to heat things up during your conversation so you make an impression. Most people advise us to keep the focus on the other person; make the chat about them. Wrong! A conversation is a two-way street. Yes, you want to know all about this new person, but make sure you’re able to casually share the fascinating aspects about yourself in the conversation.In some cases, you may only have a few minutes with this person, so you don’t want them walking away not knowing how interesting you are!
Showing interest in someone is great for their ego, but it accomplishes nothing for you. Share who you are. Share the things that may complement him. He loves to travel? Talk about your favorite vacation spots. Or talk about how you’d love to travel more…but you’re having a tough time choosing where to go for your first big trip. Make this interaction about the two of you and steer the conversation towards something the two of you could do together.
Don’t be shy about doling out compliments: Please don’t be corny or phony, though. Real compliments have real effects. Trust me, people know when you’re being a salesperson. You’ve gone out of your way to have this conversation, a sure sign that there’s something worth complimenting about this person, so do it! It shows confidence and interest.
Be positive: There’s something absolutely magnetic about a person who brims with optimism and positivity. If that’s who you are, speak on it. Even better if you can be positive and confident all at once. For example, you can say, “Hey, life’s great, but it’s a roller coaster. I’ve always believed that there are few obstacles I couldn’t overcome.” A glass half full attitude will help keep someone interested; no one wants to be around a Debbie Downer.
Provide verbal reassurance: You know what makes you really interesting? Your attentiveness. Paying attention to even the most mundane details of a conversation shows that you have some capacity to engage, empathize and acknowledge. Example: (Engage) “I think it’s so great that you remember your niece’s birthday. (Empathize) So funny! I try to remember all my niece’s and nephew’s birthdays! (Acknowledge) Family seems to be really important to you. That’s really, really sweet. I admire that.”
Laugh a little: Find that moment where the two of you can share a light laugh. Doesn’t have to be some big guffaw, just a fleeting moment where you flash your ability to find humor in even the most awkward of situations.
Remember, it’s about leaving an impression, making him remember you…no matter who you are or where you’re from. No games. No fakeness. The conversation is the ultimate opportunity to show your personality, sensuality, intelligence, and independence. Take advantage of it!