So if you’re looking for a few tried-and-true dating tips that actually work, I sincerely recommend you give these tips some thought.
1. On a first date, meet up in public. On your first date (especially if you’ve never met them before), meet somewhere neutral and in public. This is mostly for safety. Make sure you have a plan to keep the date short. Arrange to have a friend call your cell phone half an hour after the date begins to check on you and give you the “emergency call out” if things are already uncomfortable. Sometimes, the first impression tells you all you need to determine if there is a connection. Meeting for coffee in a casual cafe works best.
2. Listen to your intuition. Make sure you listen to your gut. What is your first impression? Is he/she being honest? Does he/she seem authentic? You want to go into the date from the viewpoint of analyzing the situation with a critical eye. Physical chemistry isn’t everything and besides, the novelty will always wear off over time. It’s just one of the important ingredients to a successful relationship.
3. Don’t ignore the warning signs — even the small ones! So, assuming that you’re attracted to your date, you still need to remain objective enough to get to know who this person is beyond how physically appearance. Dating is meant to be fun and entertaining, but odds are, you’re also looking for a commitment. You should learn over time if the person you’re with has what you need to be happy. Even if you’re still unclear on this after going out on five or six dates with this person, that’s okay. This decision evolves over time. The longer you’re with someone, the more you know about them. Watch for warning signs and keep these in the back of your mind so you can see how they play out in your relationship over time. And if your date can’t get past a few dates without being impolite or inappropriately sexual, it’s time to sever the cord and move on.
4. Spend three to six months getting to know your date. The purpose of dating is to find out as much as you can about the other person as quickly as possible to see if he/she is a true match. It’s a numbers game, so you want to date as many people as you can until you find the right one. In my experience, it takes three to six months of dating (with a date at least once per week), to determine if someone is right for you. Resist the urge to decide that this person is the perfect match for you, because you can only really get to know someone over time. You need to be clear and honest with yourself. So, no matter how intensely you feel, remind yourself: “I am just getting to know this person enough so I can find out if I want to take it further.”
5. Talk to someone who can give you an objective perspective. Whether it’s a friend, a family member or a therapist, it helps to share your dating experiences with someone else to get an outsider’s perspective. Sometimes, these people have a better insight into our motivations than we do ourselves. Are you tired of being along and simply willing to settle for anyone? Maybe your biological clock is ticking and your desire to have kids is outweighing your decision to meet and commit to someone who would truly make you happy. A therapist can help you stay objective, avoid making cloudy decisions and can help point out your blind spots. Having an objective ear can really make a great difference between making smart decisions versus impulsive ones.
