You finally broke up with your ex because you didn’t trust him. Now he’s coming back into your life, saying all the right things, and asking for another chance.
Deep in your heart you still love him, and although your relationship had its ups and downs, you’re wondering if you should take him back.
I can empathize with you. I went back and forth with two of my exes before I had the courage to move on. So let me help you understand why you’re still hung up on your ex and how you can move on and find that special person who will respect and love you.
Here are five reasons you’re still attached to your ex:
1) You’ve created a soul tie with him.
A soul tie is a deep emotional and spiritual connection that’s formed whenever you become intimate with someone. It’s a natural “side effect” that helps two people bond and stay attached.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t a healthy relationship, so what was originally intended to be a great way to stay connected with your spouse is now keeping you in BONDAGE to a man who isn’t good for you.
2) You’re focusing more on his good qualities than the TRUTH about who he is and how he treats you
It’s called the Pain/Pleasure Principle.
It explains why we’ll do unhealthy things to get our needs met. Here’s how it works:
We move away from things that cause us pain and toward things that give us pleasure, even if we know those pleasurable things will harm us.
Let’s take food for example.
You know eating too much chocolate at midnight is going to show up in your thighs and you won’t be able to fit your cute jeans.
You also know too much sugar can rot your teeth, cause diabetes and a host of other health problems that could lead to you dying young.
But those chocolate chips taste soooo good! And they help you stop thinking about your problems when you’re stressed out.
So you turn to them to get away from the emotional pain and have the pleasure of zoning out and ignoring your problems.
If you associated chocolate chips with death, would you still eat them?
Probably not.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
Your ex is like chocolate chips. You know all the unhealthy things about him: you cleaned up after him; he acted as though he was single on Facebook; he disrespected you; he lied to you about where he was all night.
However, all of his shortcomings aren’t painful enough for you to let go and move on? Why? What is your connection to him still giving you? What pleasure is he offering you, even if it’s temporary?
The fact that you still have feelings for a man who mistreated you shows that you haven’t come to terms with the TRUTH about this relationship. He’s still your guilty pleasure and he’s meeting some need you have.
When you associate more pain with being with him than being without him, you’ll have the courage to let go completely.
3) You’re looking for closure
We tend to want one last conversation that will explain why he left. Or maybe you want to know what you did wrong that caused the relationship to end.
Most people don’t get the benefit of a “breakup date,” and even when you do, knowing why the relationship is over doesn’t always satisfy the ache in your heart.
You don’t need the other person to give you closure. Do it yourself by closing the doors of your heart to him for good.
4) You don’t want to see him happy without you
It hurts to know that you aren’t the source of your ex’s happiness anymore. So you hang on to hope, thinking maybe he’ll come to his senses and come back to you. If he does, it fulfills that part of your heart that longs to be desired.
But remember, it’s called a breakup for a reason! And sometimes, there doesn’t have to be anything seriously wrong in a relationship for it to not work out. You’ll be happy again, and so will he!
5) You can’t cut your losses
You invested so much of your time into the relationship. You’ll always have memories in your life that include your ex. As a result, letting go completely feels like you’re saying those moments weren’t valuable.
It’s like investing tons of money into a business venture but you never get a return. You keep hanging on, hoping that one day the money will come in, but the debt keeps getting bigger and bigger. You need to cut your losses and start over.
You have to understand there’s always a cost to every decision. Hanging on to a bad relationship may continue to damage your spirit. Is it worth it?
If you’re serious about having a future where you’re respected, loved and valued, you need to tell yourself the truth about your toxic relationship with your ex and make the decision to to walk away before it’s too late.
source: BMWK
