When Neyo sang ‘Miss Independent’, he probably didn’t envisage women all over the world tagging themselves as ‘Miss Independent’. Nice title that is anyway, but in my opinion it takes more than having a good paying job, the right connections, rolling with the cream de la cream of society…and singing the ‘Miss Independent’ lyrics to make you deserve that title. Being Miss Independent also entails having control over your emotions and keeping it in check. And this is the part most women fail to understand.
Women these days are always either hung over one dude or the other, or going from one bad relationship to the next bad relationship …it’s getting to a point where I just want to disable my email to stop me from receiving a ‘what did I do wrong this time’ mail. Like seriously girl it’s not about what you did wrong, it’s about what you didn’t do right, it’s about how you consciously or unconsciously allow yourself to be victims all the time…it’s about giving men the power to hurt you.
Many of us spend a lot of time, energy and resources trying to keep the men we should be letting go of. For some of us its how we have grown to believe it is, considering how our mothers told us time and time again that ‘’A woman should do everything within her power to please her man…so he won’t go looking for love elsewhere’’; while for some others it’s just a desperate attempt to feel needed. Whichever it is, it’s still not going to get you that relationship you have always dreamed about.
Women that go chasing men who are not available emotionally are women who have set themselves up for a fall. The popular and even biblical moral of ‘what you sow you reap’ makes some of us think this would solve all of life worries. Thus where he is emotionally abusive, you give him more attention, where he disrespects you, you give him more love, where he pushes you away, you give him everything you’ve got in the hope that you will reap these back. It may even seem the modern thing to do, giving and giving all of you to keep the man, always available emotionally, physically, financially even when he isn’t. But the truth of the matter is that sowing into the wrong soil is never rewarding. You probably believe that one day he will wake up to realize that you are the right woman for him and become ‘available’. It’s possible…, but it also smells of desperation, and desperation isn’t attractive.
You need to learn to let things go. If you go out with somebody and you both don’t connect – it’s fine! Stop looking for ways to make it work. If the other person doesn’t feel the same way that you do about him – it’s no problem! Let it go. Love is many things, but one thing it isn’t, is unsure. If it is love you will be sure. If you have to spend a lot of time obsessing over it, and analyzing it and questioning ‘does he love me?’ ‘I’m I doing something wrong?’…then you know it isn’t love. If he loves you, he’ll show you that he does and you wouldn’t even have those questions. Don’t sit around waiting by the phone or checking every few minute to see if your sms has been replied. Why are you worrying over someone who doesn’t want to worry over you?
You want to be an Independent Lady? You want to get out of this circle of frustration and disappointment in relationships? Then get a grip… take back the power you have given to men by getting a hold of your life. Go out as often as you want, go to church, join a gym, stop pining, re-connect with your friends, meet incredible men, get into globular dating, i.e. not investing all your time and energy into any ONE man…until you have a ring on your finger from that man you choose…. Stop caring so much, and start moving forward! The minute you start channeling your energy into becoming a better and happier you, the more attractive you become around guys.
Ask the Men, they fall in love for different reasons and one of them is knowing that you know your worth and won’t settle for less all in the name love. You are the price; you are the trophy…if he doesn’t see that then let him go. Stop chasing, stop caring about ‘why’ and start living. That is becoming Emotionally Independent.
And the award for Miss Independent goes to…..
Keep stepping girl….oh and Happy Independence day to you all…kisses to the brothers
By Nutty Jennifer