A man who can’t be upfront with you about where he stands on marriage, in general, and a relationship with you, in particular, will most likely waste your time. And the last thing a smart, successful sister needs to do is waste her time!
Here are 5 warning signs you’re wasting your time with the wrong man:
1. You believe him when he says he wants commitment
Maybe he told you he could see himself marrying someone just like you. Or perhaps, early on in the relationship, you had serious talks about marriage and what you both wanted out of life. Then, things got a little bumpy and he cooled off. You’re scared to bring up the commitment talk again because you don’t want to push him away. I mean, he already told you he wants the same things you do, right?
If you do get the courage to ask him where the relationship is going he gives you a bunch of excuses:
The timing is wrong
My money is funny
Girl, you know I love you
I’m just not ready yet
I need to get some things in order first
Here’s the deal: His talk about commitment means very little if he’s not backing his words up with clear actions.
Tip: Remember, if his words and actions don’t match, he’s not a good catch!
2. You don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t want commitment
You need discernment to tell if this is a red flag or a yellow light. For example, my husband told me for the first 3 months we were dating that he wasn’t interested in a relationship. Yet less than 1 year later, we were married.
How did that happen? I believed what he told me and acted accordingly. My boundaries were clear and I didn’t make the mistake of assuming we were in a relationship. Instead, I paid attention to his actions and once things shifted between us, we had lots of conversations about what were doing and where we were headed as a couple.
Tip: The bottom line is you shouldn’t try to pretend you don’t want marriage if you really do!
3. You ignore the still, small voice that’s telling you something isn’t right
Just because you believe a man should pursue you, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak up when you feel something isn’t right or you need clarity on the relationship.
Don’t assume that because you’re exclusive, you’re committed. Nope! Being exclusive just means you’re not going to see anyone else. A commitment is a decision to make things work. It means you’re dedicated to one another and you’re both focused on the same end-goal. Sure, a commitment is not necessarily a guarantee you’ll get to marriage, but it is a decision that you’re working toward it!
Tip: Don’t make assumptions. Make sure you’re both using the same language and assigning the same meaning to your relationship!
4. You’re afraid to cut your losses and start over
The fear of loss is one of the biggest reasons sisters stay stuck in dead-end relationships.
I know you may have invested years into the relationship, but if it’s not giving you what you truly desire and deserve, you need the courage to walk away. Remember, every minute you’re with Mr. Wrong is a minute you’re without Mr. Right! If he couldn’t decide to marry you after 5 years, did you really lose anything?
Tip: As the singer Fantasia said, sometimes you gotta lose to win again!
5. You take him back after he’s shown you who he is
He broke up with you because he wasn’t ready for a relationship. You miss him, so you send him a “just thinking about you text” because you’re hoping he misses you too. He wants to catch up with you and so you start talking, going out and texting again. Things feel great, but he’s avoiding any serious talk about relationships. When you tell him your goal is marriage, he says he’s happy to date you again, but isn’t looking for much else.
Tip: You’re wasting your time taking a man back who hasn’t changed. Don’t invest anymore time with him. Have the confidence to know that there is someone out there who will gladly commit to you!
You need discernment, discipline and the determination to make the powerful decision to never waste your time with the wrong man again. Holla if you hear me!