For Men: 10 Signs That You’re Sleeping With A Mammy Water


This is for all the guys who pick up random girls on the streets without knowing anything about them. Here’s how to know if you are sharing your bed with a mammy water:

  1. You picked her up from the street or some other random place. Maybe she was even standing in front of an uncompleted building
  2. You don’t know her surname. She told you her name is “ Just Julie”
  3. She agreed to sleep with you on the very first day, in fact she moved into your house, no questions asked.
  4. She never gets tired. She can pound yam, fry garri, grind pepper with a stone and still have sex with you when she finishes.
  5. She always looks perfect, even first thing in the morning. No pimples, her make-up looks permanent and everything is always in the right place.
  6. Her Brazilian hair looks natural. It really looks like her hair but maybe salons have found a way to remove natural hair and put it back later.
  7. She never talks about her family and she doesn’t have any friends. You only hear her saying “My sea sisters” sometimes at night but you’re not bothered because girls call themselves all sorts of things.
  8. Ever since you started sleeping with her, your life has turned upside down but of course your stepmother in the village is to blame.
  9. She has stopped you from eating fish. Ever since she came into your life, it’s only chicken or meat, nothing that comes from the sea.
  10. She doesn’t ask you for anything. In fact, she’s every Nigerian boyfriend’s dream. You don’t pay for human hair or BIS and she doesn’t even want Blackberry Z10.  She doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day and you don’t even know her birthday sef. She never gets jealous or goes through your phone and she couldn’t care less about your Facebook password. In fact she’s the best!

If the girl you’re with falls into all these categories, you better wake up my guy, NA FISH SHE BE!!!



  1. I’m sorry you’re disappointed but I personally think it’s very funny. You guys need to develop a sense of humour. Nothing wrong with a good laugh once in a while. Aren’t you tired of all the depressing news in this country?

  2. @ugookolo & POCO are about as smart as rocks. This is toilet humour in case you didn’t notice retards!! you holier than thou people like you make my skin crawl with disgust. Where do you guys get off!??!!!!

    • It’s rather misfortunate for u to call d writeup shallow. You dat can’t even write 4 sentences in reply now wants to be a marker & score da guy low. Can’t u people see anything good in others? Oga ‘Critisizer’, let’s read ur own ‘deep’ writeup & stop laffing.

  3. This write up abi na news abi na advice is really sick. wht a heading, wht a write-up too. Am NT criticizing bt I cant tell if the writer was a journalist or comedian, though I susbscribed for NEWS anyway, NT for childish silly tales by moonlight…

  4. Thank you all for your comments. For those of you who didn’t notice, this is the lifestyle section, meaning we can talk about whatever we want here. For all the boring and depressing news about bombings and Boko haram and all the money your government officials are stealing, you can report to world news and the metro section. God bless you and thanks for reading.

  5. Hmmmm…, actually u can’t say all dis write up is nt real bcos i was once a victim but God delivered me. Though she’s nt a mamy water but wizard she has similar characters… About 85% similarities. So watch-out.

  6. Hmmmm. This write up could be used as control in one’s life experiment. But when u as a guy no carry ashawo to pay how u wan take fuck her same day u meet her and how do u convince her to move to ur house without havin been to her place b4 nor met her friends. Guys wetin sweet and priceless dey kill o